To the Ends of the Earth

Tonight I gave a brief presentation at my parents' church (my former church) on our mission trip to South Africa. I spoke for about twenty minutes, showed some photos in PowerPoint and answered a few questions after. One of those questions caught me completely off guard.

A member of the church asked me if I would be willing to go on a trip to a place like, say, the jungle to witness to people who have never even seen a white person before. My response was yes, I would go if asked and after praying about it. The same individual says, But you could be killed. Would you still go then? I said yes, and turned my back to them so that they could see the other side of our "official" South Africa 2008 trip t-shirt (irony!). "My shirt has a quote from Jim Elliot, who was martyred in a similar sort of situation."

(The quote: "He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.")

I said that if an individual truly believes that God is who He says He is and that if Jesus is who He says He is and that if the Bible is truly what it says it is...then how can you not? Our group ran the risk of making the wrong people angry in South Africa and it is also possible to be killed in America for your faith, although it is less likely.

All in all, it was a good presentation and I hope that this clay vessel was able to deliver the correct message to those who needed to hear it.

This...

....is awesome.

Modem weirdness

So my internet has only worked when a certain individual is on Facebook. It is very weird and random, just the sort of thing God uses to get my attention.

Anyway, I've got a couple posts to brush up and "make official" here, which will be good. Although it's been frustrating to be unable to access the 'net, it has forced me to focus on listening (or trying to listen) to the Spirit. I know that my life has a definite direction (because I am His), I am either overthinking it or just missing the point.

So we'll see.

Theology on Facebook

In addition to being my birthday (well, it was still my bday when I started writing this), it was also day two of x4:12 at Hope. I was unable to get together with my parents for my birthday, and was able to stay for the closing lesson/sermon. I’ve got to be completely honest and say that I’ve been staying extra busy lately and I think that part of the reason is because I’m afraid to hear what God’s been telling me all along. That if I follow His path, I’ll never get anything I want. Sound selfish? Yeah, I thought so, too. Have I tried it my way before and bombed? You betcha. Have I learned from it? You would think so.

So, back to the lesson/sermon. It was about listening to God. Finding out his plan for me by digging deeper in prayer and in His word. I’m actually sorry that I didn’t have my Bible and journal with me; that’s how intense it was. I so wanted to find a quiet place to think and pray, but we had plans to eat after.

When I got home, I sat down to write this. I am a crazy sucker for multi tasking, so I decided to check my Facebook. As God would have it, Dr. York was also online and sent me birthday wishes via Facebook chat. And I had to ask him: How do you know if something is God's will for you and not just something you want?

His response hit the nail right on the head. “Let me put it like this: get your heart into such a state that it has no will of its own. THEN you can hear God's voice. Usually we drown it out with our own desires. But when you get to the place where it doesn't matter, so long as you do what He wants and what glorifies Him, then you can almost always figure things out”.

How awesome is God that he would see fit to align everything up for me like this? It is humbling and wonderful. It is also perfect timing; my visit to Asbury is Friday.

TODAY!!!

My (27th) birthday is TODAY!!! TELL EVERYONE!!!!

Lightning Bugs

I was working on this blog post on a conversation I had about relationships and "the list" of what I'm looking for in an "ideal" man, but then I decided that sometimes girl talk should just stay girl talk.

So instead, I would like to point out that I love lightning bugs.

Why? Because after all that writing, I had to post something.

Announcements!!!

Important things first! Tomorrow is my birthday. Tell EVERYONE!!

Even more important: X4:12 starts TODAY!!! Prayers needed for the workers and for the learners.

Why Asbury?

My heart is heavy.

Last night I stepped outside of my box and started a conversation with someone new (to me) and the conversation shifted to her curiosity as to what I wanted to do in college. My two highest interests are creative writing and missions. Right now I'm an 8th-12th English education major. She nodded, but then wanted to know *why* Asbury? I have several reasons, but I made the mistake of mentioning the least important one first, as dealing with KSU yesterday had left me very frustrated. All public college degrees are not created equal. KSU has the misfortune of not receiving as much funding as other schools do and suffers in keeping quality teaching and administrative staff. Although they do offer creative writing, my fear is that I would not learn as much as I would at say, U of L or Asbury or UK, etc. I'm afraid I didn't articulate it very well, but she made a valid point about the difference in costs between public and private. Somehow, I got the sense that I had offended her. I didn't go into my other reasons, but here is my official list, beginning with the most important.

-I am more interested in Biblical learning, going deeper in study. I can't get that at a public school.

-I could go to Southern. But. They have a very long, very detailed list of what's allowed and what isn't (ex. only girls can have piercings, and only one in each ear). Frankly, I think that Paul writes clearly that we do have freedom of choice (for ex. alcohol might be a huge occasion for you to sin, but not for me) and I don't want some guy who doesn't know me telling me how I should live my life because of some rules!

-I could go to Southern. But. I am divorced. It's a huge part of my testimony and not something I can just hide under a rug. I'm not up for opening myself up to attacks from legalists or ignorant but well meant opinions from those who have not experienced it themselves.

-I do want to brush up on the mechanics of writing. I can't do that at Southern, I can at Asbury.

I am worried about the financial commitment at Asbury, but God has shown me in the past six months that it's all His-money, houses, cars, etc. He does take care of me, and if it's within His will for me to go, I'll go. But that isn't entirely why my heart is heavy.

My heart is heavy because even among fellow believers, I didn't feel free to speak plainly. I still felt a need to put my guard up. Why is that? What was I so worried about? That's what's bugging me. This part of me that God is still working on, but is *still* blocking my ability to connect with others.

Heart Songs

The reason for this post can be found here. It's crazy how much of this list I already had. My songs follow in chronological order as they affected me. The stories behind some of these are more interesting than they appear! And this list could be much (so much) longer...

He’s Still Working on Me – Joel Hemphill: The first song I can remember hearing. I sang it with my mother in church as a duet when I was four or five. I remember hiding behind the pulpit, and she has it on tape somewhere.

I Think We’re Alone Now – Tommy James & The Shondells: The only songs that I knew of when I was a kid were oldies and church music. I used to play my mom’s records and she didn’t have many that I liked. This was one.

Unchained Melody – Elvis Presley: Same as above, only this record was blue and Elvis was my favorite.

Down Under - Men At Work: I loved the Crocodile Dundee movies and Australia, so I love this song.

Under the Sea – Little Mermaid Soundtrack: Memorized the movie in one summer, wore out the soundtrack.

She – Green Day – 8^th grade: I did a lot of “screaming in silence”.

No Diggity – Blackstreet: Played on the radio on my first date alone with my first boyfriend, at the ripe old age of 15.

Shake For Me – Stevie Ray Vaughan: The song that made me pick up a guitar in the first place. It gave me chills down the spine, the works.

Lenny – Stevie Ray Vaughan: What love feels like.

Love Hurts – Nazareth: Second boyfriend, “puppy” love, guitarist who I like to think dumped me because I had the potential to be better than his stoner self was on the guitar. Anyway. He thought playing this song while he dumped me was going to help.

Undone-Sweater Song - Weezer: I’m taking guitar lessons and loathing pop music. My best friend loves it, especially Backstreet Boys, N’Sync and Weezer . We were working at the movie theater together and at night we’d drive around in her old car and sing to this at the top of our lungs. This song was our compromise.

Abracadabra – Steve Miller Band: Somebody released a pop (new) version of this song, I stuck to the old. And debated the merits of the old (rock) vs. the new (pop) at my co-op job with one of the other employees…constantly.

Who You’d Be Today – Kenny Chesney: One of the girls I worked with was killed in a car accident when we were (both) 17, seniors, and worked at the movie theater. A guy friend of mine was driving the car and had to have security in the hospital; he received death threats for awhile after. I will never forget being at the visitation and signing the casket; and that to (my) knowledge, she died without Christ.

The Unforgiven – Metallica: Spoke directly to my rebel self. Especially the never free part. And it sounded good cranked up on the car radio in the summer, with the windows down.

Crazy Train –Ozzy Osbourne: Spent some time with a heavy metal garage band. Their pride and joy were two full stacks of Marshall amps and their goal was to master “Crazy Train”. Every day for a month I heard Crazy Train over and over and over. And tried to get me to be their singer, but really, no one can sing over those amps.

Whiskey In the Jar – Metallica: Garage, Inc. came out while I was hanging with the band. I love this song. I like the way it sounds and the story. And, it was good to listen to in the car that summer.

Freedom – Jimi Hendrix: How I felt after graduation.

Graduation (friends forever) – Vitamin C: Overplayed on the radio my senior year. The DJ played it at prom and they played it at graduation. I am (still) sick of it.

Underneath Your Clothes – Shakira: As far as I know, the significance of this song is still a secret between myself and someone else, so I’m going to keep it that way.

Anything But Mine – Kenny Chesney: Reminds me of when I met Kenny (not Chesney) and how I felt after.

Honky Tonk Badonkadonk – Trace Adkins: How my “nephew that was” will most likely remember me. My youngest (former) SIL used to tease me about my Badonkadonk. The funniest part was when my nephew (who was 4) would try to sing the song. He got caught up on the badonkadonks, so it always came out “Honky Tonk badonkadonkdonkdonk”. Bittersweetness.

Did I Shave My Legs for This? – Deana Carter: Marriage is like this, sometimes.

Fly – Dixie Chicks: He had already flown the coop; I just had to come to terms with it.

Good Enough – Evanescence: The reason for this one is complex.

Startin' With Me – Jake Owen: Who wouldn't change some things? Sometimes, the things we regret are our fault.

I’m Not Who I was – Brandon Heath: I’m not who I used to be, and there are so many people that I wish could see this change in me, and the reason why, but who may never will.

The Truth is Stranger Than Fiction

I found this news story today. Somehow, someway I've got to incorporate this into a (writing) piece along the way.

And...I know people are reading this (or at least looking at my profile) so leave some comments!

Of Wall E and Clutter

Yesterday I (finally) got to see Wall E! I went with two friends and the (young) niece of one of the friends. I'd heard many different opinions on how children reacted to the movie, so I was curious to see if she would enjoy it. Myself and one of my friends (the aunt of said niece), enjoyed the movie. We laughed in all the "right" places and I teared up in all the "right" places. (I can't speak for my friend on the tears.) My other friend declared that the movie "was alright, but it's not one of my favorites". The young child got restless after Eve arrived, and actually started trying to have conversations with her aunt a few times (loose teeth, potty breaks, what are we doing next?). In fact, they missed the last five minutes of the movie and came back in time for the credits. Got to love those (second) potty breaks!

I don't think the niece was that into it, I didn't hear her laugh too often at anything so I wonder if the story line wasn't a bit over her head. She's probably in the five to seven age range. I do have to say that my Levi's botched the ending for myself and my other friend.

When we got up to let our friend and the niece out for the potty break, my friend's drink somehow latched onto the back pocket of my jeans and fell perfectly through the gap in my seat to rest (right side up!) on the floor. I retrieved the drink, my friend told me what happened, and we laughed so hard that (I at least), cried. Now if only I could teach those jeans to grab a Hershey bar or two.....

Which brings me to clutter. Tonight I helped move a friend of mine from DivorceCare group. I jinxed the whole thing by saying that she lives in an apartment, how much stuff could she have? Friends, the answer to that question is lots. Enough to fill up two apartments and a truck. In fact, we didn't even get it all moved. So. I am more determined than ever to sell a majority of my things in a yard sale. What I don't sell goes to Goodwill or the dump or I may even consider giving some of it away. There is no way that I will pay storage fees to hold my junk. No way.
Expect the yard sale to be heavy on books, dishes, one function kitchen appliances and candles.

Twilight....

.....will be a movie! Now I have to hurry and read the series...I always dread that the movie will not live up to what I imagined from the book. That's probably why I haven't been able to watch the Narnia movies.

However. While I was reading this, I couldn't help but wonder what it was about the characters/the plot/the whole concept that made this book so appealing. Vampires aren't a new concept; neither is the idea of vampire vs. wolverine. What sucked me in? The book is narrated in the first person, by Bella. I think readers identify quickly with first person. And then I realized that what sucked me in is the same thing that kept me and my BFF (hey, it was high school) sneaking and reading her mom's Harlequinn (I know, I know) novels.

The basic formula is the same. Not so perfect chick (clumsy, pudgy, sloppy, "unlovable") sees man-so-handsome-as-to-be -Greek-godlike and thinks he never in a trillion years will notice her. But, he always does. He saves the day, wants to be with her 24/7, fixes every little problem she has and marries her in the end. In the epilogue, the couple usually has at least one child on the way, and they're living the dream life in whatever place they met.

And that's my problem with romances. Reality is a far cry from fantasy romance fiction. A man doesn't "complete" a woman, only God can fill that chink in her heart. The attraction is almost always based on lust alone. I think there is a danger in reading these, because it causes unrealistic expectations in a woman's own relationships. Plus, it keeps the guys around us to a (very) unrealistic standard.

I'm not saying sweet/charming/romantic guys don't exist; they do. In fact, I've recently met one couple who had a rather fairy tale courtship (ladies, the way he courted his (now) wife is unbelievably romantic), but that doesn't mean that they will never disagree or that they only love because of the mushy stuff.

Anyway, my point is beware the romance novel ("Christian" ones fall in the beware category, too).

Of X-Men and Vampires

The byproduct of an overactive imagination is that I have really bizarre, interesting (to me) dreams. Last night I had a dream that involved vampires (the result of reading twilight) and the X-Men, primarily Gambit. Why the X-Men? I have no idea. I think it could be because the assassins in Wanted kind of reminded me of mutants.

Anyway. I found out that there is another X-Men (sorta) movie coming that finally has Gambit! Yay! I’m not so sure about the actor they picked to play him; he doesn’t seem like he could pull it off. I guess I’ll find out next year.

Movies!

Wanted was a much better movie than I thought it would be; I loved the ending!

I still want to see Wall-E and Hancock.

And my first of the (watermelon) snow cones people have been talking about was awesome!!