I'm listening to our Christmas choir music (memorization, memorization!) and taking a pause from sorting/packing/cleaning to blog this thought.
I have never felt more alive than I did doing door-to-door evangelism in South Africa. It's like God said, through every experience, that this is what He created me for. I'll admit that I had been giving God a backseat because I was too stressed over my house situation (I should know better), where to live, what to do about school, etc. I got a call at work on Tuesday telling me that we would be closing by Friday (today) at 9 a.m. I left work early and took off the rest of the week to pack and move. Late Thursday, I got another call that my mortgage company is being difficult (again) and the closing would be delayed due to more paperwork that my mortgage company already has but claims they don't.
After the call yesterday, I've stopped packing and gotten back to seeking God. It's his house. He has his reasons. I'm still trusting, as this isn't a permanent situation. Wednesday I was praying and pacing (out loud) about all the reasons why I thought that I was not qualified to be a missionary and why I was not qualified (re: good enough) to go to seminary.
In August, Dr. York was honest with me when he said that my divorce does present a problem as far as the IMB goes, but that there is a loophole there as well. In that same conversation, he told me that he would complete the church affirmation form required for the application or that I could take it to the church office and get our business manager to sign, as they are the only ones authorized to do so. The form was in my car, ready and waiting. And I panicked. I had this whole argument lined up (I expected opposition) and found none.
So, back to Wednesday. I'm ranting to the bathroom mirror about how professors could be judgmental, students could be judgmental...and then it hit me. My pastor, who teaches at Southern and is on the IMB is supporting me in this. When that sank in, I quit my ranting.
Meanwhile, those who barely know me or went on the South Africa trip, are calling me out. "When are you going overseas again?" "When is your next mission trip?" "Where will you go?" "You should just drop everything and go." "Why are you still here?" Admittedly, some of those comments are intended to be jokes, but they all get down to one point: GO.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Give Me Your Eyes
My new favorite song is Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath (listen here). The more I listen to it, the more I think about how differently we would see things if we could see them through God's eyes.
And I think that glimpse would carry more pain and sorrow than we could take, so it's a good thing we can't really see all that God sees in a second.
I was having a conversation with someone today who was expressing their annoyance with a co-worker who needed a ride to the doctor, and no one would help her (the co-worker). This woman is abused by her husband, has financial problems and a possible addiction to prescription painkillers. I was shocked that no one could be bothered to disrupt their lunch plans to take her to the doctor. The reason I was given, was that if they helped her, she would expect them to help her all the time, and then they could never get anything done for themselves, if they spent all their time helping her.
I bit back my opinion, and all I could hear was the lyric from the chorus of this song and thought what it must be like to walk in this woman's shoes. I know it has to be difficult. Aren't we, however, as Christians, supposed to love and care for others, even putting their needs above our own?
This brings me to another question which is a very valid point. Where do you draw the line? I am considering full time missions/ministry work...where do I draw the boundary in pouring out Christ's love for others, and keeping myself sane?
For me, (I like to think) I would keep giving until I had nothing left. I just don't see how I couldn't. I doubt anyone reads this, or will comment, but if you are out there in internet land, do you have any thoughts?
And I think that glimpse would carry more pain and sorrow than we could take, so it's a good thing we can't really see all that God sees in a second.
I was having a conversation with someone today who was expressing their annoyance with a co-worker who needed a ride to the doctor, and no one would help her (the co-worker). This woman is abused by her husband, has financial problems and a possible addiction to prescription painkillers. I was shocked that no one could be bothered to disrupt their lunch plans to take her to the doctor. The reason I was given, was that if they helped her, she would expect them to help her all the time, and then they could never get anything done for themselves, if they spent all their time helping her.
I bit back my opinion, and all I could hear was the lyric from the chorus of this song and thought what it must be like to walk in this woman's shoes. I know it has to be difficult. Aren't we, however, as Christians, supposed to love and care for others, even putting their needs above our own?
This brings me to another question which is a very valid point. Where do you draw the line? I am considering full time missions/ministry work...where do I draw the boundary in pouring out Christ's love for others, and keeping myself sane?
For me, (I like to think) I would keep giving until I had nothing left. I just don't see how I couldn't. I doubt anyone reads this, or will comment, but if you are out there in internet land, do you have any thoughts?
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Oil Change!
Today was our annual single women's oil change at church. I enjoy interviewing the women who come in, and this time, we changed oil and/or washed over 100 cars!!
I hope that the women I talked to come to visit the church, but more importantly, that they stop to think about where they stand w/ God. Two of the women were not your stereotypical church goers (tattoos, piercings, etc.) so I am praying that if they do decide to come to church on their own, that they will be met with warmth and not judgmental"ness".
I hope that the women I talked to come to visit the church, but more importantly, that they stop to think about where they stand w/ God. Two of the women were not your stereotypical church goers (tattoos, piercings, etc.) so I am praying that if they do decide to come to church on their own, that they will be met with warmth and not judgmental"ness".
Friday, October 17, 2008
Today
Today is just one of those days where everything just feels....off.
I'm out of sorts and I want something or to do something, but I have no idea what that something is....
Ever have days like that?
I'm out of sorts and I want something or to do something, but I have no idea what that something is....
Ever have days like that?
Monday, October 13, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Grief
Have you ever looked someone in the eye and recognized grief? Not just a general sadness, but deep, gut wrenching pain and agony grief?
That happened to me tonight.
My friend and I eat at Chili's after our Tuesday night Bible study. I thought I recognized our waiter. This person's mother passed away last year after a very long and grueling battle with cancer. I decide to take another step at conquering my fear of man, and I tell our waiter that I think I know him. I ask if he is the son of his father, and he nods. So I tell him that I used to attend church and I ask how his father is. That's when I see the grief. He tells me that his father has remarried and is living in Louisville. He is currently trying to sell his house in Frankfort. Before I can ask how the waiter is doing and more formally introduce myself, he bolts.
I really wish I were better at speaking words, instead of just reflecting on things after the fact.
That happened to me tonight.
My friend and I eat at Chili's after our Tuesday night Bible study. I thought I recognized our waiter. This person's mother passed away last year after a very long and grueling battle with cancer. I decide to take another step at conquering my fear of man, and I tell our waiter that I think I know him. I ask if he is the son of his father, and he nods. So I tell him that I used to attend church and I ask how his father is. That's when I see the grief. He tells me that his father has remarried and is living in Louisville. He is currently trying to sell his house in Frankfort. Before I can ask how the waiter is doing and more formally introduce myself, he bolts.
I really wish I were better at speaking words, instead of just reflecting on things after the fact.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Brazil & Single Women
Brazil is a place that is close to my pastor's heart for many reasons. Brazil is one of the foreign mission trips that we will be taking in 2009. Up until this point, I was kind of lukewarm about the idea of going. Africa is a place that is near to my heart and at first I thought I might try to find another group who was going and head back.
I missed the informational meeting (Brazil) this past Sunday and a friend filled me in today on the "gist of it". I did some of my Experiencing God study, and as I ended in prayer, the desire to go suddenly became very strong and very urgent. The only obstacles in my path, as always, are work and money.
I've been going through the Way of the Master training and begun applying the principles locally. I've prayed for a greater burden for the lost and a stronger sense of compassion, to obliterate my (very) strong fear of man. I don't know the exact path that God is leading me on, but I do sense (and pray) that missions will always be an important part of it.
That being said, our Single Ladies Oil Change is this Saturday from 9 a.m. until 2 p.m. Come on out if your car needs an oil change! Pray that we will be faithful in talking to these ladies and ministering to them.
I missed the informational meeting (Brazil) this past Sunday and a friend filled me in today on the "gist of it". I did some of my Experiencing God study, and as I ended in prayer, the desire to go suddenly became very strong and very urgent. The only obstacles in my path, as always, are work and money.
I've been going through the Way of the Master training and begun applying the principles locally. I've prayed for a greater burden for the lost and a stronger sense of compassion, to obliterate my (very) strong fear of man. I don't know the exact path that God is leading me on, but I do sense (and pray) that missions will always be an important part of it.
That being said, our Single Ladies Oil Change is this Saturday from 9 a.m. until 2 p.m. Come on out if your car needs an oil change! Pray that we will be faithful in talking to these ladies and ministering to them.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Movies
Last night I did something I haven't done since high school. I went to two movies in one night. And they were in two different cities!
First on the list was Fireproof which I've wanted to see since I first saw the trailer for it awhile back. It was difficult for me to watch at first, as it brought back some painful memories. I think they handled the topic very well and they did not sugarcoat the Gospel at all. I don't want to ruin any aspect of this movie for anyone who might be reading this, but there is one scene that I want to call to attention that appears in the trailer. Caleb (Kirk Cameron) has just gotten rid of the computer. In it's place, he puts a vase full of red roses with a note card that says, "I love you more". This is what every woman needs to see demonstrated in the relationship, almost more than anything else. She needs to know that she comes before a pricey toy, bad habits, other people. That she is valued so much her husband is willing to put her needs first. I won't get into all the reasons why this movie touched me so much....but it did. I have another friend who hasn't seen it yet, so I hope to go see it again!
The next movie I saw was Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. It was a lot like American Graffiti and Dazed and Confused except with music. It has made me realize that there is a lot more music in the world that I've not had access to here in Kentucky.
For now I've got sorting, packing and labeling to do.
First on the list was Fireproof which I've wanted to see since I first saw the trailer for it awhile back. It was difficult for me to watch at first, as it brought back some painful memories. I think they handled the topic very well and they did not sugarcoat the Gospel at all. I don't want to ruin any aspect of this movie for anyone who might be reading this, but there is one scene that I want to call to attention that appears in the trailer. Caleb (Kirk Cameron) has just gotten rid of the computer. In it's place, he puts a vase full of red roses with a note card that says, "I love you more". This is what every woman needs to see demonstrated in the relationship, almost more than anything else. She needs to know that she comes before a pricey toy, bad habits, other people. That she is valued so much her husband is willing to put her needs first. I won't get into all the reasons why this movie touched me so much....but it did. I have another friend who hasn't seen it yet, so I hope to go see it again!
The next movie I saw was Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. It was a lot like American Graffiti and Dazed and Confused except with music. It has made me realize that there is a lot more music in the world that I've not had access to here in Kentucky.
For now I've got sorting, packing and labeling to do.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
A Survey
So I had this post planned out, but then I scrapped it after saying "see you later" to a friend that I am extremely excited for but will miss.
All I will say is that I am thrilled by the words in Daniel 12:3 and comforted by Psalm 139.
Here's a survey, for fun. Completed on my afternoon work break.
1. What is your occupation right now? Associate (I do accounting stuff)
2. What color are your socks right now? White
3. What are you listening to right now? Ray Comfort
4. What was the last thing you ate? Reese's cups
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Sort of
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Some chick from WKU
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yebo!
8. How old are you today? 27
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on t.v.? NASCAR/some college football
10. What is your favorite drink? Pepsi
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Do highlights count?
12. Favorite food Mexican/Thai/Chinese
13. What is the last movie you watched? The Family That Preys
14. Favorite day of the year? I don't have one
15. How do you vent anger? On a good day, take it to God. On a bad day, let 'er rip!
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies & books
17. What is your favorite season? Fall/Autumn (right NOW!)
18. Cherries or blueberries? Neither, but if I had to pick...blueberries
19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? If they want
20. Who is the most likely to respond? ??
21. Who is least likely to respond? ??
22. Living arrangements? Me & a cat & a dog. In a week or so, me, a roomie, 2 cats & 2 dogs
23. When was the last time you cried? I can't remember, so it's been awhile
24. What is on the floor of your closet? Shoes, a purse, some hangers
25. Who is the friend you've had the longest? Jenny
26. What did you do last night? Went to church
27. What are you most afraid of? Becoming a nominal Christian
28. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese & spice!
29. Favorite dog breed? Siberian Husky
30. Favorite day of the week? Saturday AND Sunday
31. How many states have you lived in? 1
32. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls
33. What is your favorite flower? Wildflowers
All I will say is that I am thrilled by the words in Daniel 12:3 and comforted by Psalm 139.
Here's a survey, for fun. Completed on my afternoon work break.
1. What is your occupation right now? Associate (I do accounting stuff)
2. What color are your socks right now? White
3. What are you listening to right now? Ray Comfort
4. What was the last thing you ate? Reese's cups
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Sort of
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Some chick from WKU
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yebo!
8. How old are you today? 27
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on t.v.? NASCAR/some college football
10. What is your favorite drink? Pepsi
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Do highlights count?
12. Favorite food Mexican/Thai/Chinese
13. What is the last movie you watched? The Family That Preys
14. Favorite day of the year? I don't have one
15. How do you vent anger? On a good day, take it to God. On a bad day, let 'er rip!
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies & books
17. What is your favorite season? Fall/Autumn (right NOW!)
18. Cherries or blueberries? Neither, but if I had to pick...blueberries
19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? If they want
20. Who is the most likely to respond? ??
21. Who is least likely to respond? ??
22. Living arrangements? Me & a cat & a dog. In a week or so, me, a roomie, 2 cats & 2 dogs
23. When was the last time you cried? I can't remember, so it's been awhile
24. What is on the floor of your closet? Shoes, a purse, some hangers
25. Who is the friend you've had the longest? Jenny
26. What did you do last night? Went to church
27. What are you most afraid of? Becoming a nominal Christian
28. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese & spice!
29. Favorite dog breed? Siberian Husky
30. Favorite day of the week? Saturday AND Sunday
31. How many states have you lived in? 1
32. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls
33. What is your favorite flower? Wildflowers
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
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