A quote from an article I read this past week:
"When Jesus loved a guilt-laden person and helped him, He saw in him an erring child of God. He saw in him a human being who His Father loved and grieved over because he was going wrong. He saw him as God originally designed and meant him to be, and therefore, He saw through the surface layer of grime and dirt to the real man underneath. Jesus did not identify the person with his sin, but rather saw in this sin something alien, something that did not really belong to him, something that merely chained and mastered him and from which he would free him and bring him back to his real self. Jesus was able to love men because He loved them right through the layer of mud." (Helmut Thielicke)
This is something that I have difficulty doing, because I spend too much time trying to figure out why the individual is in my path and their effect on me, vs. what God has planned. So, rather than try to figure it all out, I'm just going to try loving others through their layers of mud. Otherwise, everything will always be clear as mud...
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
The Joys of the Internet
I am officially online at home! Confusing and sometimes random posts are soon to come to whoever reads this....
Monday, November 3, 2008
Sparrows and Lillies
Yesterday I was blessed by a beautiful fall day, a pleasant lunch on a patio and the company of new friends. The temperature was perfect and after we finished our meal and sat around talking, the sparrows and finches would land near us and chirp while they waited for our crumbs. It did much to cheer my spirits after some frustrating news regarding my housing situation and I was able to relax and enjoy the fellowship.
Today I flipped through a magazine at lunch and came to an article that referenced Luke 12:22-32. I could not read past the reference. I had to look it up. Verse 27-31 really jumped out at me. I backtracked and read the entire chapter and verse 6 also grabbed my attention. I was able to feel more at peace and focus on my work.
Tonight I realized, on another level, the depth of God's love for me. If He cares so much for sparrows, like the ones I saw at lunch yesterday, and I am more important, how many good things are ahead for me? And my job, as a "lilly" (see v. 27) is to grow in this stage of my life, regardless of what is going on around me that I can't control.
O (me) of little faith!!
And then the video below, forwarded to me from a friend.
Today I flipped through a magazine at lunch and came to an article that referenced Luke 12:22-32. I could not read past the reference. I had to look it up. Verse 27-31 really jumped out at me. I backtracked and read the entire chapter and verse 6 also grabbed my attention. I was able to feel more at peace and focus on my work.
Tonight I realized, on another level, the depth of God's love for me. If He cares so much for sparrows, like the ones I saw at lunch yesterday, and I am more important, how many good things are ahead for me? And my job, as a "lilly" (see v. 27) is to grow in this stage of my life, regardless of what is going on around me that I can't control.
O (me) of little faith!!
And then the video below, forwarded to me from a friend.
Friday, October 24, 2008
The Call
I'm listening to our Christmas choir music (memorization, memorization!) and taking a pause from sorting/packing/cleaning to blog this thought.
I have never felt more alive than I did doing door-to-door evangelism in South Africa. It's like God said, through every experience, that this is what He created me for. I'll admit that I had been giving God a backseat because I was too stressed over my house situation (I should know better), where to live, what to do about school, etc. I got a call at work on Tuesday telling me that we would be closing by Friday (today) at 9 a.m. I left work early and took off the rest of the week to pack and move. Late Thursday, I got another call that my mortgage company is being difficult (again) and the closing would be delayed due to more paperwork that my mortgage company already has but claims they don't.
After the call yesterday, I've stopped packing and gotten back to seeking God. It's his house. He has his reasons. I'm still trusting, as this isn't a permanent situation. Wednesday I was praying and pacing (out loud) about all the reasons why I thought that I was not qualified to be a missionary and why I was not qualified (re: good enough) to go to seminary.
In August, Dr. York was honest with me when he said that my divorce does present a problem as far as the IMB goes, but that there is a loophole there as well. In that same conversation, he told me that he would complete the church affirmation form required for the application or that I could take it to the church office and get our business manager to sign, as they are the only ones authorized to do so. The form was in my car, ready and waiting. And I panicked. I had this whole argument lined up (I expected opposition) and found none.
So, back to Wednesday. I'm ranting to the bathroom mirror about how professors could be judgmental, students could be judgmental...and then it hit me. My pastor, who teaches at Southern and is on the IMB is supporting me in this. When that sank in, I quit my ranting.
Meanwhile, those who barely know me or went on the South Africa trip, are calling me out. "When are you going overseas again?" "When is your next mission trip?" "Where will you go?" "You should just drop everything and go." "Why are you still here?" Admittedly, some of those comments are intended to be jokes, but they all get down to one point: GO.
I have never felt more alive than I did doing door-to-door evangelism in South Africa. It's like God said, through every experience, that this is what He created me for. I'll admit that I had been giving God a backseat because I was too stressed over my house situation (I should know better), where to live, what to do about school, etc. I got a call at work on Tuesday telling me that we would be closing by Friday (today) at 9 a.m. I left work early and took off the rest of the week to pack and move. Late Thursday, I got another call that my mortgage company is being difficult (again) and the closing would be delayed due to more paperwork that my mortgage company already has but claims they don't.
After the call yesterday, I've stopped packing and gotten back to seeking God. It's his house. He has his reasons. I'm still trusting, as this isn't a permanent situation. Wednesday I was praying and pacing (out loud) about all the reasons why I thought that I was not qualified to be a missionary and why I was not qualified (re: good enough) to go to seminary.
In August, Dr. York was honest with me when he said that my divorce does present a problem as far as the IMB goes, but that there is a loophole there as well. In that same conversation, he told me that he would complete the church affirmation form required for the application or that I could take it to the church office and get our business manager to sign, as they are the only ones authorized to do so. The form was in my car, ready and waiting. And I panicked. I had this whole argument lined up (I expected opposition) and found none.
So, back to Wednesday. I'm ranting to the bathroom mirror about how professors could be judgmental, students could be judgmental...and then it hit me. My pastor, who teaches at Southern and is on the IMB is supporting me in this. When that sank in, I quit my ranting.
Meanwhile, those who barely know me or went on the South Africa trip, are calling me out. "When are you going overseas again?" "When is your next mission trip?" "Where will you go?" "You should just drop everything and go." "Why are you still here?" Admittedly, some of those comments are intended to be jokes, but they all get down to one point: GO.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Give Me Your Eyes
My new favorite song is Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath (listen here). The more I listen to it, the more I think about how differently we would see things if we could see them through God's eyes.
And I think that glimpse would carry more pain and sorrow than we could take, so it's a good thing we can't really see all that God sees in a second.
I was having a conversation with someone today who was expressing their annoyance with a co-worker who needed a ride to the doctor, and no one would help her (the co-worker). This woman is abused by her husband, has financial problems and a possible addiction to prescription painkillers. I was shocked that no one could be bothered to disrupt their lunch plans to take her to the doctor. The reason I was given, was that if they helped her, she would expect them to help her all the time, and then they could never get anything done for themselves, if they spent all their time helping her.
I bit back my opinion, and all I could hear was the lyric from the chorus of this song and thought what it must be like to walk in this woman's shoes. I know it has to be difficult. Aren't we, however, as Christians, supposed to love and care for others, even putting their needs above our own?
This brings me to another question which is a very valid point. Where do you draw the line? I am considering full time missions/ministry work...where do I draw the boundary in pouring out Christ's love for others, and keeping myself sane?
For me, (I like to think) I would keep giving until I had nothing left. I just don't see how I couldn't. I doubt anyone reads this, or will comment, but if you are out there in internet land, do you have any thoughts?
And I think that glimpse would carry more pain and sorrow than we could take, so it's a good thing we can't really see all that God sees in a second.
I was having a conversation with someone today who was expressing their annoyance with a co-worker who needed a ride to the doctor, and no one would help her (the co-worker). This woman is abused by her husband, has financial problems and a possible addiction to prescription painkillers. I was shocked that no one could be bothered to disrupt their lunch plans to take her to the doctor. The reason I was given, was that if they helped her, she would expect them to help her all the time, and then they could never get anything done for themselves, if they spent all their time helping her.
I bit back my opinion, and all I could hear was the lyric from the chorus of this song and thought what it must be like to walk in this woman's shoes. I know it has to be difficult. Aren't we, however, as Christians, supposed to love and care for others, even putting their needs above our own?
This brings me to another question which is a very valid point. Where do you draw the line? I am considering full time missions/ministry work...where do I draw the boundary in pouring out Christ's love for others, and keeping myself sane?
For me, (I like to think) I would keep giving until I had nothing left. I just don't see how I couldn't. I doubt anyone reads this, or will comment, but if you are out there in internet land, do you have any thoughts?
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Oil Change!
Today was our annual single women's oil change at church. I enjoy interviewing the women who come in, and this time, we changed oil and/or washed over 100 cars!!
I hope that the women I talked to come to visit the church, but more importantly, that they stop to think about where they stand w/ God. Two of the women were not your stereotypical church goers (tattoos, piercings, etc.) so I am praying that if they do decide to come to church on their own, that they will be met with warmth and not judgmental"ness".
I hope that the women I talked to come to visit the church, but more importantly, that they stop to think about where they stand w/ God. Two of the women were not your stereotypical church goers (tattoos, piercings, etc.) so I am praying that if they do decide to come to church on their own, that they will be met with warmth and not judgmental"ness".
Friday, October 17, 2008
Today
Today is just one of those days where everything just feels....off.
I'm out of sorts and I want something or to do something, but I have no idea what that something is....
Ever have days like that?
I'm out of sorts and I want something or to do something, but I have no idea what that something is....
Ever have days like that?
Monday, October 13, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Grief
Have you ever looked someone in the eye and recognized grief? Not just a general sadness, but deep, gut wrenching pain and agony grief?
That happened to me tonight.
My friend and I eat at Chili's after our Tuesday night Bible study. I thought I recognized our waiter. This person's mother passed away last year after a very long and grueling battle with cancer. I decide to take another step at conquering my fear of man, and I tell our waiter that I think I know him. I ask if he is the son of his father, and he nods. So I tell him that I used to attend church and I ask how his father is. That's when I see the grief. He tells me that his father has remarried and is living in Louisville. He is currently trying to sell his house in Frankfort. Before I can ask how the waiter is doing and more formally introduce myself, he bolts.
I really wish I were better at speaking words, instead of just reflecting on things after the fact.
That happened to me tonight.
My friend and I eat at Chili's after our Tuesday night Bible study. I thought I recognized our waiter. This person's mother passed away last year after a very long and grueling battle with cancer. I decide to take another step at conquering my fear of man, and I tell our waiter that I think I know him. I ask if he is the son of his father, and he nods. So I tell him that I used to attend church and I ask how his father is. That's when I see the grief. He tells me that his father has remarried and is living in Louisville. He is currently trying to sell his house in Frankfort. Before I can ask how the waiter is doing and more formally introduce myself, he bolts.
I really wish I were better at speaking words, instead of just reflecting on things after the fact.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Brazil & Single Women
Brazil is a place that is close to my pastor's heart for many reasons. Brazil is one of the foreign mission trips that we will be taking in 2009. Up until this point, I was kind of lukewarm about the idea of going. Africa is a place that is near to my heart and at first I thought I might try to find another group who was going and head back.
I missed the informational meeting (Brazil) this past Sunday and a friend filled me in today on the "gist of it". I did some of my Experiencing God study, and as I ended in prayer, the desire to go suddenly became very strong and very urgent. The only obstacles in my path, as always, are work and money.
I've been going through the Way of the Master training and begun applying the principles locally. I've prayed for a greater burden for the lost and a stronger sense of compassion, to obliterate my (very) strong fear of man. I don't know the exact path that God is leading me on, but I do sense (and pray) that missions will always be an important part of it.
That being said, our Single Ladies Oil Change is this Saturday from 9 a.m. until 2 p.m. Come on out if your car needs an oil change! Pray that we will be faithful in talking to these ladies and ministering to them.
I missed the informational meeting (Brazil) this past Sunday and a friend filled me in today on the "gist of it". I did some of my Experiencing God study, and as I ended in prayer, the desire to go suddenly became very strong and very urgent. The only obstacles in my path, as always, are work and money.
I've been going through the Way of the Master training and begun applying the principles locally. I've prayed for a greater burden for the lost and a stronger sense of compassion, to obliterate my (very) strong fear of man. I don't know the exact path that God is leading me on, but I do sense (and pray) that missions will always be an important part of it.
That being said, our Single Ladies Oil Change is this Saturday from 9 a.m. until 2 p.m. Come on out if your car needs an oil change! Pray that we will be faithful in talking to these ladies and ministering to them.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Movies
Last night I did something I haven't done since high school. I went to two movies in one night. And they were in two different cities!
First on the list was Fireproof which I've wanted to see since I first saw the trailer for it awhile back. It was difficult for me to watch at first, as it brought back some painful memories. I think they handled the topic very well and they did not sugarcoat the Gospel at all. I don't want to ruin any aspect of this movie for anyone who might be reading this, but there is one scene that I want to call to attention that appears in the trailer. Caleb (Kirk Cameron) has just gotten rid of the computer. In it's place, he puts a vase full of red roses with a note card that says, "I love you more". This is what every woman needs to see demonstrated in the relationship, almost more than anything else. She needs to know that she comes before a pricey toy, bad habits, other people. That she is valued so much her husband is willing to put her needs first. I won't get into all the reasons why this movie touched me so much....but it did. I have another friend who hasn't seen it yet, so I hope to go see it again!
The next movie I saw was Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. It was a lot like American Graffiti and Dazed and Confused except with music. It has made me realize that there is a lot more music in the world that I've not had access to here in Kentucky.
For now I've got sorting, packing and labeling to do.
First on the list was Fireproof which I've wanted to see since I first saw the trailer for it awhile back. It was difficult for me to watch at first, as it brought back some painful memories. I think they handled the topic very well and they did not sugarcoat the Gospel at all. I don't want to ruin any aspect of this movie for anyone who might be reading this, but there is one scene that I want to call to attention that appears in the trailer. Caleb (Kirk Cameron) has just gotten rid of the computer. In it's place, he puts a vase full of red roses with a note card that says, "I love you more". This is what every woman needs to see demonstrated in the relationship, almost more than anything else. She needs to know that she comes before a pricey toy, bad habits, other people. That she is valued so much her husband is willing to put her needs first. I won't get into all the reasons why this movie touched me so much....but it did. I have another friend who hasn't seen it yet, so I hope to go see it again!
The next movie I saw was Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. It was a lot like American Graffiti and Dazed and Confused except with music. It has made me realize that there is a lot more music in the world that I've not had access to here in Kentucky.
For now I've got sorting, packing and labeling to do.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
A Survey
So I had this post planned out, but then I scrapped it after saying "see you later" to a friend that I am extremely excited for but will miss.
All I will say is that I am thrilled by the words in Daniel 12:3 and comforted by Psalm 139.
Here's a survey, for fun. Completed on my afternoon work break.
1. What is your occupation right now? Associate (I do accounting stuff)
2. What color are your socks right now? White
3. What are you listening to right now? Ray Comfort
4. What was the last thing you ate? Reese's cups
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Sort of
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Some chick from WKU
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yebo!
8. How old are you today? 27
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on t.v.? NASCAR/some college football
10. What is your favorite drink? Pepsi
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Do highlights count?
12. Favorite food Mexican/Thai/Chinese
13. What is the last movie you watched? The Family That Preys
14. Favorite day of the year? I don't have one
15. How do you vent anger? On a good day, take it to God. On a bad day, let 'er rip!
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies & books
17. What is your favorite season? Fall/Autumn (right NOW!)
18. Cherries or blueberries? Neither, but if I had to pick...blueberries
19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? If they want
20. Who is the most likely to respond? ??
21. Who is least likely to respond? ??
22. Living arrangements? Me & a cat & a dog. In a week or so, me, a roomie, 2 cats & 2 dogs
23. When was the last time you cried? I can't remember, so it's been awhile
24. What is on the floor of your closet? Shoes, a purse, some hangers
25. Who is the friend you've had the longest? Jenny
26. What did you do last night? Went to church
27. What are you most afraid of? Becoming a nominal Christian
28. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese & spice!
29. Favorite dog breed? Siberian Husky
30. Favorite day of the week? Saturday AND Sunday
31. How many states have you lived in? 1
32. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls
33. What is your favorite flower? Wildflowers
All I will say is that I am thrilled by the words in Daniel 12:3 and comforted by Psalm 139.
Here's a survey, for fun. Completed on my afternoon work break.
1. What is your occupation right now? Associate (I do accounting stuff)
2. What color are your socks right now? White
3. What are you listening to right now? Ray Comfort
4. What was the last thing you ate? Reese's cups
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Sort of
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Some chick from WKU
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yebo!
8. How old are you today? 27
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on t.v.? NASCAR/some college football
10. What is your favorite drink? Pepsi
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Do highlights count?
12. Favorite food Mexican/Thai/Chinese
13. What is the last movie you watched? The Family That Preys
14. Favorite day of the year? I don't have one
15. How do you vent anger? On a good day, take it to God. On a bad day, let 'er rip!
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies & books
17. What is your favorite season? Fall/Autumn (right NOW!)
18. Cherries or blueberries? Neither, but if I had to pick...blueberries
19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? If they want
20. Who is the most likely to respond? ??
21. Who is least likely to respond? ??
22. Living arrangements? Me & a cat & a dog. In a week or so, me, a roomie, 2 cats & 2 dogs
23. When was the last time you cried? I can't remember, so it's been awhile
24. What is on the floor of your closet? Shoes, a purse, some hangers
25. Who is the friend you've had the longest? Jenny
26. What did you do last night? Went to church
27. What are you most afraid of? Becoming a nominal Christian
28. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese & spice!
29. Favorite dog breed? Siberian Husky
30. Favorite day of the week? Saturday AND Sunday
31. How many states have you lived in? 1
32. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls
33. What is your favorite flower? Wildflowers
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Mission Boards and Articles
I feel pretty crappy today, so I called in to work. Anyway, when I started to feel well enough to sit up straight, I decided to research mission boards. (How awesome would it be if I could find one that would accept me w/out a college degree??)
The first one I decided to look at is the IMB, and I found this really cool story about an art student. If you look at the larger image of the picture, you can see the Bible story cloth in the background. It's also a good tool for American kids. Frankly, I'm dying to go on any of these trips. So for now, I should probably quit looking. I really need to finish my degree.
After I typed this paragraph, I read an article linked to the IMB about what it takes to go. I've been growing and learning a lot through my Experiencing God small group, and after reading the IMB article, something that God has been telling me just made more sense. I've sensed that He wants me to grow closer to Him in the relationship and to trust Him more for my future. Without a very strong faith, I would crumble in the face of intense persecution. I also need to move away from this intense fear of man.
Hmmmm. Funny how I started this post thinking one way, and then it kind of changed into something else.
The first one I decided to look at is the IMB, and I found this really cool story about an art student. If you look at the larger image of the picture, you can see the Bible story cloth in the background. It's also a good tool for American kids. Frankly, I'm dying to go on any of these trips. So for now, I should probably quit looking. I really need to finish my degree.
After I typed this paragraph, I read an article linked to the IMB about what it takes to go. I've been growing and learning a lot through my Experiencing God small group, and after reading the IMB article, something that God has been telling me just made more sense. I've sensed that He wants me to grow closer to Him in the relationship and to trust Him more for my future. Without a very strong faith, I would crumble in the face of intense persecution. I also need to move away from this intense fear of man.
Hmmmm. Funny how I started this post thinking one way, and then it kind of changed into something else.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Random Thoughts: Afterthoughts
1. Youth all nighter went well. Gospel was presented at exactly 3:30 and when the kids turned in their note cards (w/ name written on them & star if they wanted to talk to someone or know more), their were twelve cards w/ stars. I have learned that I am still completely terrible at miniature golf. I play the game, so that others can win!
2. Before we left for the all nighter, Jamie, our group leader in South Africa, tells me that Pastor Thaboe called him on Sunday looking for me. I asked Jamie what he wanted, and he said that he thought he just wanted to check on me. I need to get in touch with him. It will make me want to go back ASAP. I know it will.
3. Where do we draw the line on "acceptable" music? A song was skipped last night on the jukebox (rightfully so), but it was just as bad (lyrically) as some of the other songs that played.
4. I don't want to leave my house until I'm sure I can be gone for awhile, because today is Switzer Covered Bridge Day. There are people everywhere who do not know how to walk on the sides, and not in the middle, of a country road. Apparently, it is not as dangerous as a city road.
5. A small thing God took care of yesterday: I joked w/ a work friend that I would have to use the same ten boxes to move my stuff, as that was as many as I had. At 3:30 in the afternoon (what is it w/ 3:30?!), the janitor came to tell me that there were tons of boxes left over from conference material prep. I went home w/ a car full of boxes and there are more locked in my office to take home on Monday. It was something I didn't think to pray about, but that God provided.
2. Before we left for the all nighter, Jamie, our group leader in South Africa, tells me that Pastor Thaboe called him on Sunday looking for me. I asked Jamie what he wanted, and he said that he thought he just wanted to check on me. I need to get in touch with him. It will make me want to go back ASAP. I know it will.
3. Where do we draw the line on "acceptable" music? A song was skipped last night on the jukebox (rightfully so), but it was just as bad (lyrically) as some of the other songs that played.
4. I don't want to leave my house until I'm sure I can be gone for awhile, because today is Switzer Covered Bridge Day. There are people everywhere who do not know how to walk on the sides, and not in the middle, of a country road. Apparently, it is not as dangerous as a city road.
5. A small thing God took care of yesterday: I joked w/ a work friend that I would have to use the same ten boxes to move my stuff, as that was as many as I had. At 3:30 in the afternoon (what is it w/ 3:30?!), the janitor came to tell me that there were tons of boxes left over from conference material prep. I went home w/ a car full of boxes and there are more locked in my office to take home on Monday. It was something I didn't think to pray about, but that God provided.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Random Thoughts
Tonight is the youth all nighter at Buck Run. (It will be AWESOME!) I was unable to rest up after work, so I drove to Starbucks to prepare myself. One grande Cinnamon Dolce Latte later, I am over hyped. So, I thought I'd unleash some of these hyperly random thoughts on the world before I get a shower and head out. (Btw, for anyone who reads this before, or during, the 3:30 a.m. hour {KY time} that's when the youth minister will be presenting the gospel. Pray your hearts out that seeds will be planted...or harvested.)
1. It occured to me today that, like money, music is amoral. And musical "genres" annoy me.
2. I was going to upload more South Africa pics to my Facebook, but I don't have the patience to sit still and watch the computer...so I'll do that later. And I don't want to think about my African friends right now. I read this article on the BBC News site today and I find it disturbing. No wonder they don't seem to be taking HIV/AIDS very seriously. I also didn't know that South Africa has the highest HIV/AIDS population. Thoughts on this later...
3. I talked to the mortgage company today and the short sale is still a go...so I should be moving in a few weeks. That's better than this weekend, on no sleep, like I originally thought.
Anyone want to buy my stuff??!!??
4. So in a few weeks, I'll have a room mate. That should be interesting.
5. I like Cinnamon Dolce Lattes because of the cinnamon. I don't usually like coffee, but the cinnamon gives it an extra sneaky tingly punch that I like. Actually, I think that's the same reason that I like Cinnamon ice cream (best ever can be found at Shelbyvill's Pie Kitchen). It's cold but warm and tingly, too.
6. I'm really looking forward to seeing Fireproof . I'll have to go to Lexington or Louisville, tho. I'm thinking I might go on Tuesday. I'm afraid I'll fall asleep if I go see it tomorrow.
7. God took care of some more small things today. More on that later...
1. It occured to me today that, like money, music is amoral. And musical "genres" annoy me.
2. I was going to upload more South Africa pics to my Facebook, but I don't have the patience to sit still and watch the computer...so I'll do that later. And I don't want to think about my African friends right now. I read this article on the BBC News site today and I find it disturbing. No wonder they don't seem to be taking HIV/AIDS very seriously. I also didn't know that South Africa has the highest HIV/AIDS population. Thoughts on this later...
3. I talked to the mortgage company today and the short sale is still a go...so I should be moving in a few weeks. That's better than this weekend, on no sleep, like I originally thought.
Anyone want to buy my stuff??!!??
4. So in a few weeks, I'll have a room mate. That should be interesting.
5. I like Cinnamon Dolce Lattes because of the cinnamon. I don't usually like coffee, but the cinnamon gives it an extra sneaky tingly punch that I like. Actually, I think that's the same reason that I like Cinnamon ice cream (best ever can be found at Shelbyvill's Pie Kitchen). It's cold but warm and tingly, too.
6. I'm really looking forward to seeing Fireproof . I'll have to go to Lexington or Louisville, tho. I'm thinking I might go on Tuesday. I'm afraid I'll fall asleep if I go see it tomorrow.
7. God took care of some more small things today. More on that later...
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
It's the Little Things
Yesterday I was watching a little t.v. before my Experiencing God Bible study. Prince was mentioned, and right at that second all I could think was: I want to listen to When Doves Cry NOW! So I did what broke folk everywhere do and pull up the song on YouTube. The only video I could find had no sound. Apparently, Prince is from the Lars Ulrich (of Metallica) school of thought which is that the fans must pay for the music at all times. I thought, okay, no big deal and headed off to my study.
After the study I went to eat at Chili's with my friend S. We're chatting about random things when I realize that whatever they're pumping through the speakers sounds familiar. She looks at me like I'm crazy when I ask if she hears it too. I get super excited. "The song! It's When Doves Cry! By Prince!" I explain the reason for my excitement and think about how cool it is that the God who made the universe would care enough to have something as simple as a song play while I'm eating. In my case, it's often the little things in life that remind me of how small I am and how BIG God is.
My dad doesn't realize sometimes that it's the little things he does that also being me closer to God. He gets to missing me when I don't have time to come over for dinner, so occasionally he will call me to eat Chinese food with him at lunch. (Chinese is our "thing" because my mother and brother hate it.) Today was one of those days. We had finished our meal and gotten the check and fortune cookies. Dad read his fortune, and then I read mine.
"You have the ability to accomplish great things."
My dad looks at me and says, "You can, you know."
Maybe a moment like this is only fully understood by other "daddy's girls". In this moment I felt restored, in a sense. Something as life changing (shattering) as a divorce can leave a person wondering how horrible they truly are, that they are incapable of accomplishing anything and totally unlovable. My father believes I can do anything I set my mind to, and I felt as if my heavenly Father was telling me so, too. Does He give me the strength and resources? Absolutely. Does He still love me even when I screw up? Most definitely. That is why, more than anything, I want to follow what He wants for me, and not my own path. It is what is making it so hard for me to decide on continuing my education. Do I pursue an education in missions exclusively (through Boyce), or do I finish my degree in (teaching) English (8th-12th grade)? I've been told by several people that a degree in English would open doors to some countries that would otherwise be closed.
Either way, I'm standing at the precipice of my future, and I can feel the love and support holding me up, just in case I start to fall.
Currently Listening to: Washed by the Water, by Need to Breathe from The Heat
After the study I went to eat at Chili's with my friend S. We're chatting about random things when I realize that whatever they're pumping through the speakers sounds familiar. She looks at me like I'm crazy when I ask if she hears it too. I get super excited. "The song! It's When Doves Cry! By Prince!" I explain the reason for my excitement and think about how cool it is that the God who made the universe would care enough to have something as simple as a song play while I'm eating. In my case, it's often the little things in life that remind me of how small I am and how BIG God is.
My dad doesn't realize sometimes that it's the little things he does that also being me closer to God. He gets to missing me when I don't have time to come over for dinner, so occasionally he will call me to eat Chinese food with him at lunch. (Chinese is our "thing" because my mother and brother hate it.) Today was one of those days. We had finished our meal and gotten the check and fortune cookies. Dad read his fortune, and then I read mine.
"You have the ability to accomplish great things."
My dad looks at me and says, "You can, you know."
Maybe a moment like this is only fully understood by other "daddy's girls". In this moment I felt restored, in a sense. Something as life changing (shattering) as a divorce can leave a person wondering how horrible they truly are, that they are incapable of accomplishing anything and totally unlovable. My father believes I can do anything I set my mind to, and I felt as if my heavenly Father was telling me so, too. Does He give me the strength and resources? Absolutely. Does He still love me even when I screw up? Most definitely. That is why, more than anything, I want to follow what He wants for me, and not my own path. It is what is making it so hard for me to decide on continuing my education. Do I pursue an education in missions exclusively (through Boyce), or do I finish my degree in (teaching) English (8th-12th grade)? I've been told by several people that a degree in English would open doors to some countries that would otherwise be closed.
Either way, I'm standing at the precipice of my future, and I can feel the love and support holding me up, just in case I start to fall.
Currently Listening to: Washed by the Water, by Need to Breathe from The Heat
Monday, September 22, 2008
Wow, Another Post!
Three posts in two days, what's up with that?
I'm procrastinating because I have, at best, one week to pack everything, get rid of three fourths of it, and move out of this house! After talking to my soon-to-be roomie* for a bit on the phone, I watched some t.v. I'm not all that crazy about t.v., but a new show came on called Worst Week and it was hysterical. You really have to watch it to appreciate it.
*This will be the first time I've officially had a roommate. I don't think that my parents, brother and ex-husband count.
I'm procrastinating because I have, at best, one week to pack everything, get rid of three fourths of it, and move out of this house! After talking to my soon-to-be roomie* for a bit on the phone, I watched some t.v. I'm not all that crazy about t.v., but a new show came on called Worst Week and it was hysterical. You really have to watch it to appreciate it.
*This will be the first time I've officially had a roommate. I don't think that my parents, brother and ex-husband count.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Realizations and Wordsmithing
A friend and I coined a new word tonight. It is one instance where my ability to trip over words paid off. The word is: squopping. Which is basically "cop a squat" mushed together. We were people watching in front of Starbucks and a guy was squopping by his motorcycle.
I have also discovered that I love Starbucks' Cinnamon Dolce Latte. Drinking it at nine at night probably wasn't the wisest thing I've ever done.
I watched the LSU vs. Auburn game last night. Wow. I have to say I'm impressed by LSU. I don't know much about college football, but that game was intense. I do feel bad for Hatch, though.
It is ten p.m. and I just realized that today would have been my sixth wedding anniversary. It didn't sink in when I wrote the date on my registration tab at church this a.m., or when I looked at receipts from Kroger and O'Charley's. I decided to read some blogs, and someone posted today. My first thought: Hmmmm, why should this date matter? Did I forget someone's birthday?
Followed by: Oh, yeah. That. Glory to God that I have healed as well as I have. A year ago I thought that I would remember this day every year for the rest of my life, haul out the photos, and have a cry fest. This year I am strongly tempted to haul out my wedding dress and turn it into some kind of cool Halloween costume...or something. Strange how a day I thought was so important to my existence, has become just another day.
So, before I focus too much on that, I'm going to talk to my Abba, Father, and get some sleeps.
I have also discovered that I love Starbucks' Cinnamon Dolce Latte. Drinking it at nine at night probably wasn't the wisest thing I've ever done.
I watched the LSU vs. Auburn game last night. Wow. I have to say I'm impressed by LSU. I don't know much about college football, but that game was intense. I do feel bad for Hatch, though.
It is ten p.m. and I just realized that today would have been my sixth wedding anniversary. It didn't sink in when I wrote the date on my registration tab at church this a.m., or when I looked at receipts from Kroger and O'Charley's. I decided to read some blogs, and someone posted today. My first thought: Hmmmm, why should this date matter? Did I forget someone's birthday?
Followed by: Oh, yeah. That. Glory to God that I have healed as well as I have. A year ago I thought that I would remember this day every year for the rest of my life, haul out the photos, and have a cry fest. This year I am strongly tempted to haul out my wedding dress and turn it into some kind of cool Halloween costume...or something. Strange how a day I thought was so important to my existence, has become just another day.
So, before I focus too much on that, I'm going to talk to my Abba, Father, and get some sleeps.
Reading List
Even though I know that I am moving in under two weeks and my already overstuffed bookshelves need to be downsized, I have continued to buy books on sale and waste valuable packing time by reading. To help me to keep track, I've decided to compile a list.
Reading:
1. Boundaries - So far an easy read that is quote worthy and helping me to see what I need to correct in my own life. (reading now)
2. Keep A Quiet Heart (Elisabeth Elliot) - I read a section of two from this book every day during my quiet time. (ongoing)
3. The Business of Heaven: Daily Readings (C. S. Lewis) - I read an entry daily from this book, also during quiet time. (ongoing)
4. Discover Your Destiny (Charles Stanley) - I've read it before and it has taken up space on my shelf for awhile. I'd like to read it again when things calm down.
5. A Man of Grace and Grit: Paul (Charles R. Swindoll) - I can't *wait* to read this one! Paul is my favorite, so I'm saving this book until I can focus on it 100%. It's my reward for moving. (looking forward to it)
6. Inside Prince Caspian (Devin Brown) - This book was a freebie from Asbury when I visited their campus earlier this summer. I suspect that it will involve a lot of thinking and I will want to reread the Chronicles, so I'm saving it. (when I have time)
And because I like to get deep in the Word, a list of the bible studies and other courses that I am taking.
Bible Studies/Classes:
1. Way of the Master (Kirk Cameron/Ray Comfort) - Baby steps to evangelism. This study is really getting me out of my comfort zone and helping me to be more of a "people person". Not to mention evangelism, which is where my heart is at. I'm about three weeks in. Meets Wednesdays.
2. Financial Peace (Dave Ramsey) - I hate to focus too much on money, but I also need to be a good steward of my resources, so I am hoping that this will get me on track. Also three weeks in. Meets Sundays.
3. Experiencing God (Blackabys) - Phenomenal study. I am growing by leaps and bounds through this and seeing my walk in a whole new light. Our small group is about nine weeks in, we meet on Tuesday nights.
4. Faith, Hope & Luck (Andy Stanley?)- This study is one through Hope Community. We had a meet and greet last Monday; the first official session will be next Monday. I haven't decided if I will officially participate through the course, as I try to reserve my final decision until after the first session. I am concerned that we were told at the meet and greet that we wouldn't need our Bibles, because the references would be on the screen. This bothers me, because it could inhibit the discussion from going deeper. I don't know if this has happened to anyone else, but the natual flow of discussion at Bible studies often leads to something else in the Bible, which leads to someone saying, "Let's look it up and see". I NEED DEPTH. This one meets every other Monday.
Reading:
1. Boundaries - So far an easy read that is quote worthy and helping me to see what I need to correct in my own life. (reading now)
2. Keep A Quiet Heart (Elisabeth Elliot) - I read a section of two from this book every day during my quiet time. (ongoing)
3. The Business of Heaven: Daily Readings (C. S. Lewis) - I read an entry daily from this book, also during quiet time. (ongoing)
4. Discover Your Destiny (Charles Stanley) - I've read it before and it has taken up space on my shelf for awhile. I'd like to read it again when things calm down.
5. A Man of Grace and Grit: Paul (Charles R. Swindoll) - I can't *wait* to read this one! Paul is my favorite, so I'm saving this book until I can focus on it 100%. It's my reward for moving. (looking forward to it)
6. Inside Prince Caspian (Devin Brown) - This book was a freebie from Asbury when I visited their campus earlier this summer. I suspect that it will involve a lot of thinking and I will want to reread the Chronicles, so I'm saving it. (when I have time)
And because I like to get deep in the Word, a list of the bible studies and other courses that I am taking.
Bible Studies/Classes:
1. Way of the Master (Kirk Cameron/Ray Comfort) - Baby steps to evangelism. This study is really getting me out of my comfort zone and helping me to be more of a "people person". Not to mention evangelism, which is where my heart is at. I'm about three weeks in. Meets Wednesdays.
2. Financial Peace (Dave Ramsey) - I hate to focus too much on money, but I also need to be a good steward of my resources, so I am hoping that this will get me on track. Also three weeks in. Meets Sundays.
3. Experiencing God (Blackabys) - Phenomenal study. I am growing by leaps and bounds through this and seeing my walk in a whole new light. Our small group is about nine weeks in, we meet on Tuesday nights.
4. Faith, Hope & Luck (Andy Stanley?)- This study is one through Hope Community. We had a meet and greet last Monday; the first official session will be next Monday. I haven't decided if I will officially participate through the course, as I try to reserve my final decision until after the first session. I am concerned that we were told at the meet and greet that we wouldn't need our Bibles, because the references would be on the screen. This bothers me, because it could inhibit the discussion from going deeper. I don't know if this has happened to anyone else, but the natual flow of discussion at Bible studies often leads to something else in the Bible, which leads to someone saying, "Let's look it up and see". I NEED DEPTH. This one meets every other Monday.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Ten Years
Today has been both a happy day and a sad day for me. Happy because I got the third chance I'd prayed for to run into someone who I hadn't seen in ten years, and whose soul I desperately want to see in heaven. Happy because I am so terrified of people and actually had the courage to approach him at his table and (re)introduce myself. Happy because God answered my prayer.
Sad because I can't make this type of decision for him. Sad because he still seemed so....broken and hopeless.
Tonight we had a Sunday School class dinner at Longhorn in Frankfort. I found my guitar charm necklace Monday night, and have been wearing it ever since. At dinner, the lady across from me asked if it was a guitar and if I played. I said yes, I used to play, and I missed the music. When I got home, I got my guitar out of the case and tried to see what I could remember. Not much of anything.
I know that I'll never be famous or on a stage or even half as good as someone like Stevie Ray Vaughan, but I miss being able to just play, me and this guitar, and let my emotions roll as they pleased. Ten years ago, this was my greatest pleasure, my only outlet. I lived, breathed and dreamed music to the point that my dad got worried and told me this obsession had to stop. Those of you reading this (if that's any of you), are probably wondering: If you loved it so much, why did you stop?
The answer to that, friends, is I fell in love with a (human) someone and I felt that I had to decide between him and music. I chose him. Nearly six years and a divorce later, I wish I'd stuck to music. So tonight, I'm making a promise to myself that I will never again change who I am to "make" or "hope" some guy might like me more than the other girl across the room.
I promise the next post will be more....uplifting.
Sad because I can't make this type of decision for him. Sad because he still seemed so....broken and hopeless.
Tonight we had a Sunday School class dinner at Longhorn in Frankfort. I found my guitar charm necklace Monday night, and have been wearing it ever since. At dinner, the lady across from me asked if it was a guitar and if I played. I said yes, I used to play, and I missed the music. When I got home, I got my guitar out of the case and tried to see what I could remember. Not much of anything.
I know that I'll never be famous or on a stage or even half as good as someone like Stevie Ray Vaughan, but I miss being able to just play, me and this guitar, and let my emotions roll as they pleased. Ten years ago, this was my greatest pleasure, my only outlet. I lived, breathed and dreamed music to the point that my dad got worried and told me this obsession had to stop. Those of you reading this (if that's any of you), are probably wondering: If you loved it so much, why did you stop?
The answer to that, friends, is I fell in love with a (human) someone and I felt that I had to decide between him and music. I chose him. Nearly six years and a divorce later, I wish I'd stuck to music. So tonight, I'm making a promise to myself that I will never again change who I am to "make" or "hope" some guy might like me more than the other girl across the room.
I promise the next post will be more....uplifting.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
2008 National Quartet Convention
It has come as quite a shocker to some that I attended the National Quartet Convention last night. Those who are shocked do not realize that it was a repeat visit and that I attended about ten years ago. I love all types of music, and while quartets* are sometimes hit or miss, I enjoyed myself last night!
Anyway. I found a new favorite last night. Check out The Isaacs when you get a moment. They do not disappoint! (Note to the shocked: I also enjoy bluegrass.)
All this talk about music has made me break out my guitar, so I'm off to see how much I can remember.
*The shocked would also be surprised to know that I was once in a quartet. The ill fated Sisters in Christ that quietly broke up after only two performances of "Our God is an Awesome God".
Anyway. I found a new favorite last night. Check out The Isaacs when you get a moment. They do not disappoint! (Note to the shocked: I also enjoy bluegrass.)
All this talk about music has made me break out my guitar, so I'm off to see how much I can remember.
*The shocked would also be surprised to know that I was once in a quartet. The ill fated Sisters in Christ that quietly broke up after only two performances of "Our God is an Awesome God".
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Heart Song: Whiskey in the Jar
Awhile back, I did a post on "heart songs". One of those songs is called Whiskey in the Jar, and the version I referred to is played by Metallica on the album Garage Inc. When I listen to the album, a few people always come to mind. One of those people I hadn't seen in almost ten years, and we did not part on good terms. I was a spoiled brat, and an idiot on top of it. Who wants to stick around for that?
Anyway. I worked the Nationwide race at the Kentucky Speedway as an usher back in June. I was working another usher's section, when I came face to face with this person, blinked, and he was gone. I thought I'd imagined it and had put it out of my mind. I couldn't help thinking that I was supposed to say something to him, and had blown it. I prayed about it, and figured I wouldn't see him anytime soon as I had been told he'd moved out of state some time ago.
This past Friday, I decided to drive across town to clear my head and get some lunch at the west side McDonald's (yes, it is faster). I was in line at the drive through when I noticed two guys walking across the parking lot (from behind me) into MickeyD's (in front of me). One of them was wearing a floppy hat just like the guy at the race. One of the guys (most likely his boss), stepped into some gum. Floppy hat guy laughed and smoked just like he always had. I kind of laughed to myself until I realized that it WAS him! And I was stuck in the drive through!! And I was blowing my second chance!!!
I paid for my food and got my food just as they reached the doors. I turned to be sure my hunch was right and I'm 99% sure he saw and recognized me. The right thing to do would have been to find a parking space and go talk. Instead, I drove back to work and it has been bothering me ever since.
So, I'm praying for a third chance.
Anyway. I worked the Nationwide race at the Kentucky Speedway as an usher back in June. I was working another usher's section, when I came face to face with this person, blinked, and he was gone. I thought I'd imagined it and had put it out of my mind. I couldn't help thinking that I was supposed to say something to him, and had blown it. I prayed about it, and figured I wouldn't see him anytime soon as I had been told he'd moved out of state some time ago.
This past Friday, I decided to drive across town to clear my head and get some lunch at the west side McDonald's (yes, it is faster). I was in line at the drive through when I noticed two guys walking across the parking lot (from behind me) into MickeyD's (in front of me). One of them was wearing a floppy hat just like the guy at the race. One of the guys (most likely his boss), stepped into some gum. Floppy hat guy laughed and smoked just like he always had. I kind of laughed to myself until I realized that it WAS him! And I was stuck in the drive through!! And I was blowing my second chance!!!
I paid for my food and got my food just as they reached the doors. I turned to be sure my hunch was right and I'm 99% sure he saw and recognized me. The right thing to do would have been to find a parking space and go talk. Instead, I drove back to work and it has been bothering me ever since.
So, I'm praying for a third chance.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Music!
My newest musical interest is Jim Cole. I'm not usually a huge fan of acoustic music, but anyone who can bust out acoustic blues in church is my new hero. I love blues. Mr. Cole tells a story about asking a bluesman if it's ok to play blues and follow God. The bluesman compares the blues to lamenting. Anyway, if you ever get the opportunity to hear him play, do it. I haven't listened to all of his work, but I liked the majority of what I heard. (Check out The Solid Rock from his hymns project. Laundry Blues is funny.)
There would be more to this post, but I'm tired and wishing I had an iPod.
There would be more to this post, but I'm tired and wishing I had an iPod.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
To the Ends of the Earth
Tonight I gave a brief presentation at my parents' church (my former church) on our mission trip to South Africa. I spoke for about twenty minutes, showed some photos in PowerPoint and answered a few questions after. One of those questions caught me completely off guard.
A member of the church asked me if I would be willing to go on a trip to a place like, say, the jungle to witness to people who have never even seen a white person before. My response was yes, I would go if asked and after praying about it. The same individual says, But you could be killed. Would you still go then? I said yes, and turned my back to them so that they could see the other side of our "official" South Africa 2008 trip t-shirt (irony!). "My shirt has a quote from Jim Elliot, who was martyred in a similar sort of situation."
(The quote: "He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.")
I said that if an individual truly believes that God is who He says He is and that if Jesus is who He says He is and that if the Bible is truly what it says it is...then how can you not? Our group ran the risk of making the wrong people angry in South Africa and it is also possible to be killed in America for your faith, although it is less likely.
All in all, it was a good presentation and I hope that this clay vessel was able to deliver the correct message to those who needed to hear it.
A member of the church asked me if I would be willing to go on a trip to a place like, say, the jungle to witness to people who have never even seen a white person before. My response was yes, I would go if asked and after praying about it. The same individual says, But you could be killed. Would you still go then? I said yes, and turned my back to them so that they could see the other side of our "official" South Africa 2008 trip t-shirt (irony!). "My shirt has a quote from Jim Elliot, who was martyred in a similar sort of situation."
(The quote: "He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.")
I said that if an individual truly believes that God is who He says He is and that if Jesus is who He says He is and that if the Bible is truly what it says it is...then how can you not? Our group ran the risk of making the wrong people angry in South Africa and it is also possible to be killed in America for your faith, although it is less likely.
All in all, it was a good presentation and I hope that this clay vessel was able to deliver the correct message to those who needed to hear it.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Modem weirdness
So my internet has only worked when a certain individual is on Facebook. It is very weird and random, just the sort of thing God uses to get my attention.
Anyway, I've got a couple posts to brush up and "make official" here, which will be good. Although it's been frustrating to be unable to access the 'net, it has forced me to focus on listening (or trying to listen) to the Spirit. I know that my life has a definite direction (because I am His), I am either overthinking it or just missing the point.
So we'll see.
Anyway, I've got a couple posts to brush up and "make official" here, which will be good. Although it's been frustrating to be unable to access the 'net, it has forced me to focus on listening (or trying to listen) to the Spirit. I know that my life has a definite direction (because I am His), I am either overthinking it or just missing the point.
So we'll see.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Theology on Facebook
In addition to being my birthday (well, it was still my bday when I started writing this), it was also day two of x4:12 at Hope. I was unable to get together with my parents for my birthday, and was able to stay for the closing lesson/sermon. I’ve got to be completely honest and say that I’ve been staying extra busy lately and I think that part of the reason is because I’m afraid to hear what God’s been telling me all along. That if I follow His path, I’ll never get anything I want. Sound selfish? Yeah, I thought so, too. Have I tried it my way before and bombed? You betcha. Have I learned from it? You would think so.
So, back to the lesson/sermon. It was about listening to God. Finding out his plan for me by digging deeper in prayer and in His word. I’m actually sorry that I didn’t have my Bible and journal with me; that’s how intense it was. I so wanted to find a quiet place to think and pray, but we had plans to eat after.
When I got home, I sat down to write this. I am a crazy sucker for multi tasking, so I decided to check my Facebook. As God would have it, Dr. York was also online and sent me birthday wishes via Facebook chat. And I had to ask him: How do you know if something is God's will for you and not just something you want?
His response hit the nail right on the head. “Let me put it like this: get your heart into such a state that it has no will of its own. THEN you can hear God's voice. Usually we drown it out with our own desires. But when you get to the place where it doesn't matter, so long as you do what He wants and what glorifies Him, then you can almost always figure things out”.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Lightning Bugs
I was working on this blog post on a conversation I had about relationships and "the list" of what I'm looking for in an "ideal" man, but then I decided that sometimes girl talk should just stay girl talk.
So instead, I would like to point out that I love lightning bugs.
Why? Because after all that writing, I had to post something.
So instead, I would like to point out that I love lightning bugs.
Why? Because after all that writing, I had to post something.
Announcements!!!
Important things first! Tomorrow is my birthday. Tell EVERYONE!!
Even more important: X4:12 starts TODAY!!! Prayers needed for the workers and for the learners.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Why Asbury?
My heart is heavy.
Last night I stepped outside of my box and started a conversation with someone new (to me) and the conversation shifted to her curiosity as to what I wanted to do in college. My two highest interests are creative writing and missions. Right now I'm an 8th-12th English education major. She nodded, but then wanted to know *why* Asbury? I have several reasons, but I made the mistake of mentioning the least important one first, as dealing with KSU yesterday had left me very frustrated. All public college degrees are not created equal. KSU has the misfortune of not receiving as much funding as other schools do and suffers in keeping quality teaching and administrative staff. Although they do offer creative writing, my fear is that I would not learn as much as I would at say, U of L or Asbury or UK, etc. I'm afraid I didn't articulate it very well, but she made a valid point about the difference in costs between public and private. Somehow, I got the sense that I had offended her. I didn't go into my other reasons, but here is my official list, beginning with the most important.
-I am more interested in Biblical learning, going deeper in study. I can't get that at a public school.
-I could go to Southern. But. They have a very long, very detailed list of what's allowed and what isn't (ex. only girls can have piercings, and only one in each ear). Frankly, I think that Paul writes clearly that we do have freedom of choice (for ex. alcohol might be a huge occasion for you to sin, but not for me) and I don't want some guy who doesn't know me telling me how I should live my life because of some rules!
-I could go to Southern. But. I am divorced. It's a huge part of my testimony and not something I can just hide under a rug. I'm not up for opening myself up to attacks from legalists or ignorant but well meant opinions from those who have not experienced it themselves.
-I do want to brush up on the mechanics of writing. I can't do that at Southern, I can at Asbury.
I am worried about the financial commitment at Asbury, but God has shown me in the past six months that it's all His-money, houses, cars, etc. He does take care of me, and if it's within His will for me to go, I'll go. But that isn't entirely why my heart is heavy.
My heart is heavy because even among fellow believers, I didn't feel free to speak plainly. I still felt a need to put my guard up. Why is that? What was I so worried about? That's what's bugging me. This part of me that God is still working on, but is *still* blocking my ability to connect with others.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Heart Songs
The reason for this post can be found here. It's crazy how much of this list I already had. My songs follow in chronological order as they affected me. The stories behind some of these are more interesting than they appear! And this list could be much (so much) longer...
He’s Still Working on Me – Joel Hemphill: The first song I can remember hearing. I sang it with my mother in church as a duet when I was four or five. I remember hiding behind the pulpit, and she has it on tape somewhere.
He’s Still Working on Me – Joel Hemphill: The first song I can remember hearing. I sang it with my mother in church as a duet when I was four or five. I remember hiding behind the pulpit, and she has it on tape somewhere.
I Think We’re Alone Now – Tommy James & The Shondells: The only songs that I knew of when I was a kid were oldies and church music. I used to play my mom’s records and she didn’t have many that I liked. This was one.
Unchained Melody – Elvis Presley: Same as above, only this record was blue and Elvis was my favorite.
Down Under - Men At Work: I loved the Crocodile Dundee movies and Australia, so I love this song.
Under the Sea – Little Mermaid Soundtrack: Memorized the movie in one summer, wore out the soundtrack.
She – Green Day – 8th grade: I did a lot of “screaming in silence”.
No Diggity – Blackstreet: Played on the radio on my first date alone with my first boyfriend, at the ripe old age of 15.
Shake For Me – Stevie Ray Vaughan: The song that made me pick up a guitar in the first place. It gave me chills down the spine, the works.
Lenny – Stevie Ray Vaughan: What love feels like.
Love Hurts – Nazareth: Second boyfriend, “puppy” love, guitarist who I like to think dumped me because I had the potential to be better than his stoner self was on the guitar. Anyway. He thought playing this song while he dumped me was going to help.
Undone-Sweater Song - Weezer: I’m taking guitar lessons and loathing pop music. My best friend loves it, especially Backstreet Boys, N’Sync and Weezer . We were working at the movie theater together and at night we’d drive around in her old car and sing to this at the top of our lungs. This song was our compromise.
Abracadabra – Steve Miller Band: Somebody released a pop (new) version of this song, I stuck to the old. And debated the merits of the old (rock) vs. the new (pop) at my co-op job with one of the other employees…constantly.
Who You’d Be Today – Kenny Chesney: One of the girls I worked with was killed in a car accident when we were (both) 17, seniors, and worked at the movie theater. A guy friend of mine was driving the car and had to have security in the hospital; he received death threats for awhile after. I will never forget being at the visitation and signing the casket; and that to (my) knowledge, she died without Christ.
The Unforgiven – Metallica: Spoke directly to my rebel self. Especially the never free part. And it sounded good cranked up on the car radio in the summer, with the windows down.
Crazy Train –Ozzy Osbourne: Spent some time with a heavy metal garage band. Their pride and joy were two full stacks of Marshall amps and their goal was to master “Crazy Train”. Every day for a month I heard Crazy Train over and over and over. And tried to get me to be their singer, but really, no one can sing over those amps.
Whiskey In the Jar – Metallica: Garage, Inc. came out while I was hanging with the band. I love this song. I like the way it sounds and the story. And, it was good to listen to in the car that summer.
Freedom – Jimi Hendrix: How I felt after graduation.
Graduation (friends forever) – Vitamin C: Overplayed on the radio my senior year. The DJ played it at prom and they played it at graduation. I am (still) sick of it.
Underneath Your Clothes – Shakira: As far as I know, the significance of this song is still a secret between myself and someone else, so I’m going to keep it that way.
Anything But Mine – Kenny Chesney: Reminds me of when I met Kenny (not Chesney) and how I felt after.
Honky Tonk Badonkadonk – Trace Adkins: How my “nephew that was” will most likely remember me. My youngest (former) SIL used to tease me about my Badonkadonk. The funniest part was when my nephew (who was 4) would try to sing the song. He got caught up on the badonkadonks, so it always came out “Honky Tonk badonkadonkdonkdonk”. Bittersweetness.
Did I Shave My Legs for This? – Deana Carter: Marriage is like this, sometimes.
Fly – Dixie Chicks: He had already flown the coop; I just had to come to terms with it.
Good Enough – Evanescence: The reason for this one is complex.
Startin' With Me – Jake Owen:
I’m Not Who I was – Brandon Heath: I’m not who I used to be, and there are so many people that I wish could see this change in me, and the reason why, but who may never will.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
The Truth is Stranger Than Fiction
I found this news story today. Somehow, someway I've got to incorporate this into a (writing) piece along the way.
And...I know people are reading this (or at least looking at my profile) so leave some comments!
And...I know people are reading this (or at least looking at my profile) so leave some comments!
Monday, July 7, 2008
Of Wall E and Clutter
Yesterday I (finally) got to see Wall E! I went with two friends and the (young) niece of one of the friends. I'd heard many different opinions on how children reacted to the movie, so I was curious to see if she would enjoy it. Myself and one of my friends (the aunt of said niece), enjoyed the movie. We laughed in all the "right" places and I teared up in all the "right" places. (I can't speak for my friend on the tears.) My other friend declared that the movie "was alright, but it's not one of my favorites". The young child got restless after Eve arrived, and actually started trying to have conversations with her aunt a few times (loose teeth, potty breaks, what are we doing next?). In fact, they missed the last five minutes of the movie and came back in time for the credits. Got to love those (second) potty breaks!
I don't think the niece was that into it, I didn't hear her laugh too often at anything so I wonder if the story line wasn't a bit over her head. She's probably in the five to seven age range. I do have to say that my Levi's botched the ending for myself and my other friend.
When we got up to let our friend and the niece out for the potty break, my friend's drink somehow latched onto the back pocket of my jeans and fell perfectly through the gap in my seat to rest (right side up!) on the floor. I retrieved the drink, my friend told me what happened, and we laughed so hard that (I at least), cried. Now if only I could teach those jeans to grab a Hershey bar or two.....
Which brings me to clutter. Tonight I helped move a friend of mine from DivorceCare group. I jinxed the whole thing by saying that she lives in an apartment, how much stuff could she have? Friends, the answer to that question is lots. Enough to fill up two apartments and a truck. In fact, we didn't even get it all moved. So. I am more determined than ever to sell a majority of my things in a yard sale. What I don't sell goes to Goodwill or the dump or I may even consider giving some of it away. There is no way that I will pay storage fees to hold my junk. No way.
Expect the yard sale to be heavy on books, dishes, one function kitchen appliances and candles.
I don't think the niece was that into it, I didn't hear her laugh too often at anything so I wonder if the story line wasn't a bit over her head. She's probably in the five to seven age range. I do have to say that my Levi's botched the ending for myself and my other friend.
When we got up to let our friend and the niece out for the potty break, my friend's drink somehow latched onto the back pocket of my jeans and fell perfectly through the gap in my seat to rest (right side up!) on the floor. I retrieved the drink, my friend told me what happened, and we laughed so hard that (I at least), cried. Now if only I could teach those jeans to grab a Hershey bar or two.....
Which brings me to clutter. Tonight I helped move a friend of mine from DivorceCare group. I jinxed the whole thing by saying that she lives in an apartment, how much stuff could she have? Friends, the answer to that question is lots. Enough to fill up two apartments and a truck. In fact, we didn't even get it all moved. So. I am more determined than ever to sell a majority of my things in a yard sale. What I don't sell goes to Goodwill or the dump or I may even consider giving some of it away. There is no way that I will pay storage fees to hold my junk. No way.
Expect the yard sale to be heavy on books, dishes, one function kitchen appliances and candles.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Twilight....
.....will be a movie! Now I have to hurry and read the series...I always dread that the movie will not live up to what I imagined from the book. That's probably why I haven't been able to watch the Narnia movies.
However. While I was reading this, I couldn't help but wonder what it was about the characters/the plot/the whole concept that made this book so appealing. Vampires aren't a new concept; neither is the idea of vampire vs. wolverine. What sucked me in? The book is narrated in the first person, by Bella. I think readers identify quickly with first person. And then I realized that what sucked me in is the same thing that kept me and my BFF (hey, it was high school) sneaking and reading her mom's Harlequinn (I know, I know) novels.
The basic formula is the same. Not so perfect chick (clumsy, pudgy, sloppy, "unlovable") sees man-so-handsome-as-to-be -Greek-godlike and thinks he never in a trillion years will notice her. But, he always does. He saves the day, wants to be with her 24/7, fixes every little problem she has and marries her in the end. In the epilogue, the couple usually has at least one child on the way, and they're living the dream life in whatever place they met.
And that's my problem with romances. Reality is a far cry from fantasy romance fiction. A man doesn't "complete" a woman, only God can fill that chink in her heart. The attraction is almost always based on lust alone. I think there is a danger in reading these, because it causes unrealistic expectations in a woman's own relationships. Plus, it keeps the guys around us to a (very) unrealistic standard.
I'm not saying sweet/charming/romantic guys don't exist; they do. In fact, I've recently met one couple who had a rather fairy tale courtship (ladies, the way he courted his (now) wife is unbelievably romantic), but that doesn't mean that they will never disagree or that they only love because of the mushy stuff.
Anyway, my point is beware the romance novel ("Christian" ones fall in the beware category, too).
However. While I was reading this, I couldn't help but wonder what it was about the characters/the plot/the whole concept that made this book so appealing. Vampires aren't a new concept; neither is the idea of vampire vs. wolverine. What sucked me in? The book is narrated in the first person, by Bella. I think readers identify quickly with first person. And then I realized that what sucked me in is the same thing that kept me and my BFF (hey, it was high school) sneaking and reading her mom's Harlequinn (I know, I know) novels.
The basic formula is the same. Not so perfect chick (clumsy, pudgy, sloppy, "unlovable") sees man-so-handsome-as-to-be -Greek-godlike and thinks he never in a trillion years will notice her. But, he always does. He saves the day, wants to be with her 24/7, fixes every little problem she has and marries her in the end. In the epilogue, the couple usually has at least one child on the way, and they're living the dream life in whatever place they met.
And that's my problem with romances. Reality is a far cry from fantasy romance fiction. A man doesn't "complete" a woman, only God can fill that chink in her heart. The attraction is almost always based on lust alone. I think there is a danger in reading these, because it causes unrealistic expectations in a woman's own relationships. Plus, it keeps the guys around us to a (very) unrealistic standard.
I'm not saying sweet/charming/romantic guys don't exist; they do. In fact, I've recently met one couple who had a rather fairy tale courtship (ladies, the way he courted his (now) wife is unbelievably romantic), but that doesn't mean that they will never disagree or that they only love because of the mushy stuff.
Anyway, my point is beware the romance novel ("Christian" ones fall in the beware category, too).
Of X-Men and Vampires
The byproduct of an overactive imagination is that I have really bizarre, interesting (to me) dreams. Last night I had a dream that involved vampires (the result of reading twilight) and the X-Men, primarily Gambit. Why the X-Men? I have no idea. I think it could be because the assassins in Wanted kind of reminded me of mutants.
Anyway. I found out that there is another X-Men (sorta) movie coming that finally has Gambit! Yay! I’m not so sure about the actor they picked to play him; he doesn’t seem like he could pull it off. I guess I’ll find out next year.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Movies!
Wanted was a much better movie than I thought it would be; I loved the ending!
I still want to see Wall-E and Hancock.
And my first of the (watermelon) snow cones people have been talking about was awesome!!
I still want to see Wall-E and Hancock.
And my first of the (watermelon) snow cones people have been talking about was awesome!!
Monday, June 30, 2008
Applied
I have applied (online) to Asbury.
It hurts to breathe, and now I'm trying not to panic/worry.
It hurts to breathe, and now I'm trying not to panic/worry.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Death in South Africa
Our last day in Bohklokong township was a Friday. As we drove along, we noticed many white tents that were being erected along the sides of the road. I was surprised to learn that funerals are only held one day a week and that they last an entire day and well into the night. A great deal of money is spent on food as everyone comes together for the funeral. I thought this was interesting because in America, you can have a funeral pretty much any day of the week, plus a visitation. And that many folks will come to the visitation, but not everyone will come (again) to the funeral.
I bring up this topic of death, because I found out (through Facebook, ironic, isn't it?) that one of the church members of Open Bible, Dibuseng, has passed away. Dibuseng was only twenty eight and left behind a four month old child. I do not know what caused her death. I did not get the opportunity to meet her. My heart is heavy for her family and friends, and especially her child. It is difficult to be hopelessly sad, however, because I will see my sister in Christ, Dibuseng, in heaven.
So. I have never been to a South African funeral. But I do recall how we were sent on our way on the last tent revival service. And I am sure that Dibuseng's arrival in heaven was full of more joy and love and celebration; and that she is no longer sick or hurting; but is with Jesus. And no matter what I am doing tomorrow, my South African brothers and sisters will not be far from my heart or mind.
I bring up this topic of death, because I found out (through Facebook, ironic, isn't it?) that one of the church members of Open Bible, Dibuseng, has passed away. Dibuseng was only twenty eight and left behind a four month old child. I do not know what caused her death. I did not get the opportunity to meet her. My heart is heavy for her family and friends, and especially her child. It is difficult to be hopelessly sad, however, because I will see my sister in Christ, Dibuseng, in heaven.
So. I have never been to a South African funeral. But I do recall how we were sent on our way on the last tent revival service. And I am sure that Dibuseng's arrival in heaven was full of more joy and love and celebration; and that she is no longer sick or hurting; but is with Jesus. And no matter what I am doing tomorrow, my South African brothers and sisters will not be far from my heart or mind.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
South Africa: First Post of Many
I found yummy (expensive) 100% orange + mango juice and I am enjoying a big ol' glass of it. I know you're thinking, what does juice have to do with South Africa?
South Africa has a juice brand called Pure Joy and it is the perfect brand name for 100% juice. They have some wonderful juice blends that, in my opinion, put Dole and Tropicana to shame. Now when I see juice I think of Pure Joy. When I think of Pure Joy, I think of Rosaline. And rocks.
Yep. Rocks. And the most awesome thing I've been privileged to be a part of in my life. The rocks aren't much to look at. The only thing that separates them from everyday rocks is that they are from Africa. They are special because they were used to bring a woman, Rosaline, to Christ. You see, while I am new in my salvation, I am no stranger to Christianity. I know the "right" answers. But this trip focused exclusively on evangelizing. You know; out of my comfort zone. Our group of eight split into teams with two (or more) translators. The first day I was paired with our group leader. I was too intimidated to say anything, but I watched as he used rocks to tell the Creation story. The ladies at the four houses we visited listened, but were content in their church membership. I couldn't help but wonder about how it could be discussed so that they might realize how important it was to their lives.
The next day, I was paired with my friend, Rachel. I asked her if I might watch her witness at our first house of the day, a man and woman. The woman was very interested, but the man just looked away or stared at the ground. I listened as Rachel told her testimony and used Scripture to point to them to Christ. Something in me clicked, and I used the rocks combined with my testimony, and some Scripture, to witness. That was a Tuesday. We watched as two of those we witnessed to gave their lives to Christ, and some more on Wednesday as well.
But something kept bugging both Rachel and myself. It was difficult to tell if their conversions were real, or if they just said what they thought we wanted to hear. Fast forward to Thursday, and our third house of the day. This part of the township seemed rougher than other areas. Most ladies were doing their laundry (no washing machines, just tubs of water, detergent and their hands) or other housework, several turned us away because of their work. And then we came to a metal shack with several tubs of laundry in the yard. Elizabeth, our translator, knocked at the door and soon an older woman came out and began scrubbing her arms. She had been cleaning her stove, and her hands and arms (to the elbows) were solid black. This lady also brought her chairs to the yard, and in addition to that, wiped each seat down with a clean rag. We took a seat, and Elizabeth chatted with her for a few minutes. She told me that the lady's name was Rosaline, and that she attended the apostolic church (more on that one later).
I struggled with how to begin. As I knew, just going to church wasn't enough but I also didn't want to insult her. Previously, I just started talking but this time I was prompted (the only word I have for it) to ask a very simple question: "Ask her, please, what she knows about Jesus."
"Nothing."
I don't remember the specifics of what I said, or even thinking that I was saying exactly what God wanted me to. I do remember looking up into Rosaline's eyes (at some point I was on my knees illustrating with the rocks) to find her focused intently on my face, looking into my eyes, even though her understanding of what I was saying came from Elizabeth. When I stopped, Elizabeth began talking to her some more, using the rocks. Rosaline seemed to have some questions. After a bit, Elizabeth turned to me and said, "She said she understands, and she wants to accept Jesus as her Savior."
I looked at Rachel, and I think we had the same thought. That talking to Rosaline was different, but that we both wanted to know for sure. Rachel asked Rosaline (through Elizabeth) if she felt that her heart were heavy; that something was tugging at it. It was, and she did. Rachel told Elizabeth that Rosaline should pray to accept Christ on her own, and then we would pray for her after.
I couldn't understand the words of her prayer, but Rosaline prayed with such joy and thanksgiving that I will never forget it. I have seen firsthand what it means to receive the Word with joy!! I prayed after Rosaline, through tears for the joy of it all. I could see it reflected on all of our faces. As we left, Rosaline continue to say "danke, ma'am, danke", which is basically "thank you".
So I challenge you (and me). What everyday items/instances/events could you use to introduce someone to Christ? Witnessing in America is definitely different (more difficult) than witnessing in a foreign country. But, oh, when God moves to soften hearts...how beautiful. And humbling.
South Africa has a juice brand called Pure Joy and it is the perfect brand name for 100% juice. They have some wonderful juice blends that, in my opinion, put Dole and Tropicana to shame. Now when I see juice I think of Pure Joy. When I think of Pure Joy, I think of Rosaline. And rocks.
Yep. Rocks. And the most awesome thing I've been privileged to be a part of in my life. The rocks aren't much to look at. The only thing that separates them from everyday rocks is that they are from Africa. They are special because they were used to bring a woman, Rosaline, to Christ. You see, while I am new in my salvation, I am no stranger to Christianity. I know the "right" answers. But this trip focused exclusively on evangelizing. You know; out of my comfort zone. Our group of eight split into teams with two (or more) translators. The first day I was paired with our group leader. I was too intimidated to say anything, but I watched as he used rocks to tell the Creation story. The ladies at the four houses we visited listened, but were content in their church membership. I couldn't help but wonder about how it could be discussed so that they might realize how important it was to their lives.
The next day, I was paired with my friend, Rachel. I asked her if I might watch her witness at our first house of the day, a man and woman. The woman was very interested, but the man just looked away or stared at the ground. I listened as Rachel told her testimony and used Scripture to point to them to Christ. Something in me clicked, and I used the rocks combined with my testimony, and some Scripture, to witness. That was a Tuesday. We watched as two of those we witnessed to gave their lives to Christ, and some more on Wednesday as well.
But something kept bugging both Rachel and myself. It was difficult to tell if their conversions were real, or if they just said what they thought we wanted to hear. Fast forward to Thursday, and our third house of the day. This part of the township seemed rougher than other areas. Most ladies were doing their laundry (no washing machines, just tubs of water, detergent and their hands) or other housework, several turned us away because of their work. And then we came to a metal shack with several tubs of laundry in the yard. Elizabeth, our translator, knocked at the door and soon an older woman came out and began scrubbing her arms. She had been cleaning her stove, and her hands and arms (to the elbows) were solid black. This lady also brought her chairs to the yard, and in addition to that, wiped each seat down with a clean rag. We took a seat, and Elizabeth chatted with her for a few minutes. She told me that the lady's name was Rosaline, and that she attended the apostolic church (more on that one later).
I struggled with how to begin. As I knew, just going to church wasn't enough but I also didn't want to insult her. Previously, I just started talking but this time I was prompted (the only word I have for it) to ask a very simple question: "Ask her, please, what she knows about Jesus."
"Nothing."
I don't remember the specifics of what I said, or even thinking that I was saying exactly what God wanted me to. I do remember looking up into Rosaline's eyes (at some point I was on my knees illustrating with the rocks) to find her focused intently on my face, looking into my eyes, even though her understanding of what I was saying came from Elizabeth. When I stopped, Elizabeth began talking to her some more, using the rocks. Rosaline seemed to have some questions. After a bit, Elizabeth turned to me and said, "She said she understands, and she wants to accept Jesus as her Savior."
I looked at Rachel, and I think we had the same thought. That talking to Rosaline was different, but that we both wanted to know for sure. Rachel asked Rosaline (through Elizabeth) if she felt that her heart were heavy; that something was tugging at it. It was, and she did. Rachel told Elizabeth that Rosaline should pray to accept Christ on her own, and then we would pray for her after.
I couldn't understand the words of her prayer, but Rosaline prayed with such joy and thanksgiving that I will never forget it. I have seen firsthand what it means to receive the Word with joy!! I prayed after Rosaline, through tears for the joy of it all. I could see it reflected on all of our faces. As we left, Rosaline continue to say "danke, ma'am, danke", which is basically "thank you".
So I challenge you (and me). What everyday items/instances/events could you use to introduce someone to Christ? Witnessing in America is definitely different (more difficult) than witnessing in a foreign country. But, oh, when God moves to soften hearts...how beautiful. And humbling.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
I Was...
...going to type a post on this subject, but my former youth pastor has already done so.
How I long for a greater understanding of God's will in my life!! It is so frustrating to find Him so near and yet so far.
Other than that, all I know is:
And I want to shine
I want to be light
I want to tell you
it'll be alright
Yeah, I want to shine
And I want to fly
Just to tell you now
it'll be alright
it'll be alright, yeah
it'll be alright
- Stars; David Crowder Band
How I long for a greater understanding of God's will in my life!! It is so frustrating to find Him so near and yet so far.
Other than that, all I know is:
And I want to shine
I want to be light
I want to tell you
it'll be alright
Yeah, I want to shine
And I want to fly
Just to tell you now
it'll be alright
it'll be alright, yeah
it'll be alright
- Stars; David Crowder Band
Monday, June 23, 2008
The Pride of Life and Swings
Yesterday was the type of day where God just continually reminds me of His grace, presence and all around awesomeness. It wasn't my typical Sunday; I overslept for my church's early service and decided to try and make Hope's late service as promised. After enjoying some wonderful worship; I settled in to take sermon notes. (You can find the sermon here.)
Wow. Talk about getting a message from God and putting some things into perspective!! A few key points really jumped out at me. And I am guilty.
1. I am my own resource; I don't need help from others (yeah, it turns out all this time thinking that I'm just independent was code for full of pride). I see those who are dependent as weak. (Why!!??!!!)
2. Where are my prejudices?
And; that people only belong in one of two categories. Someone who is with Christ or someone who Christ has died for. (Amen!!)
And then comes an even cooler example of God's greatness. Laminin. If you've listened to the sermon, I suspect that you can hear what the pastor is referring to (I could be wrong). Anyway, it's much cooler when you see it for yourself; so watch this video, please...
And I am blown away, because three or four days ago, a friend forwarded an e-mail to me about laminin and I was very frustrated by it because I could not find a picture of laminin anywhere.
A cool God thing, and all in God's perfect timing!!
And then I go with my friend's church (Hope) to visit students at the Stewart Home. I'm out of my comfort zone. I'm around people I don't know very well and students with needs that I'm not accustomed to dealing with. I'm excited and the music is great and everyone is having fun. I'm sitting on the bleachers and while all this rockin' praise music is playing, a group of people start dancing in front of the stage. I want to dance with them, but what will my friend think? (crazy, right?) And then she decides to dance, I hesitate and the band begins to play Open Skies. It won't make much sense to you now, but all I could think was we're all held together by laminin; and it's as if our bodies reflect praise for the Creator whether we accept Him or not. And that being childlike is awesome; so I joined the dancing crowd and was at peace and joyful. I let the pride drop and it was the best part of my day; holding hands and dancing with a girl named Wendy. Receiving hugs as if they were from God Himself. Being serenaded (Happy Birthday) by one student.
It seemed like I got a glimpse of heaven. I really doubt that we'll all be sitting in nice little rows singing somber hallelujahs or only walking streets of gold next to people in our comfort zone. At least I hope not. I hope we'll be praising God in a big ol' mosh pit; happy and having the time of our (after) lives.
Afterwards some of us went to the park. I love the swings; always have, always will. So after I ate, I hit the swings. And life was good. I got to be "childlike" and not think about work or where else I should be or what I should be doing. I was just me. Enjoying the day and the fellowship of those around me. And it was awesome.
Wow. Talk about getting a message from God and putting some things into perspective!! A few key points really jumped out at me. And I am guilty.
1. I am my own resource; I don't need help from others (yeah, it turns out all this time thinking that I'm just independent was code for full of pride). I see those who are dependent as weak. (Why!!??!!!)
2. Where are my prejudices?
And; that people only belong in one of two categories. Someone who is with Christ or someone who Christ has died for. (Amen!!)
And then comes an even cooler example of God's greatness. Laminin. If you've listened to the sermon, I suspect that you can hear what the pastor is referring to (I could be wrong). Anyway, it's much cooler when you see it for yourself; so watch this video, please...
And I am blown away, because three or four days ago, a friend forwarded an e-mail to me about laminin and I was very frustrated by it because I could not find a picture of laminin anywhere.
A cool God thing, and all in God's perfect timing!!
And then I go with my friend's church (Hope) to visit students at the Stewart Home. I'm out of my comfort zone. I'm around people I don't know very well and students with needs that I'm not accustomed to dealing with. I'm excited and the music is great and everyone is having fun. I'm sitting on the bleachers and while all this rockin' praise music is playing, a group of people start dancing in front of the stage. I want to dance with them, but what will my friend think? (crazy, right?) And then she decides to dance, I hesitate and the band begins to play Open Skies. It won't make much sense to you now, but all I could think was we're all held together by laminin; and it's as if our bodies reflect praise for the Creator whether we accept Him or not. And that being childlike is awesome; so I joined the dancing crowd and was at peace and joyful. I let the pride drop and it was the best part of my day; holding hands and dancing with a girl named Wendy. Receiving hugs as if they were from God Himself. Being serenaded (Happy Birthday) by one student.
It seemed like I got a glimpse of heaven. I really doubt that we'll all be sitting in nice little rows singing somber hallelujahs or only walking streets of gold next to people in our comfort zone. At least I hope not. I hope we'll be praising God in a big ol' mosh pit; happy and having the time of our (after) lives.
Afterwards some of us went to the park. I love the swings; always have, always will. So after I ate, I hit the swings. And life was good. I got to be "childlike" and not think about work or where else I should be or what I should be doing. I was just me. Enjoying the day and the fellowship of those around me. And it was awesome.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Thoughts on the Parable of the Sower
A friend and I have been having a sort of intense discussion over the past two days regarding salvation. My friend looks to the parable of the sower and believes that one of the examples represents those who lose their salvation. And, well, here's my attempt at an explanation. First, the parable itself:
...A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. He, who has ears, let him hear. (Matt. 13:3-9, ESV)
And now, Jesus' explanation:
Hear then the parable of the sower: When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty. (Matt. 13: 18-23)
My interpretation (based on what Jesus says and the word as a whole). Number 2 is our main point of focus.
There are four examples given here:
1. Seeds that fall on the path – These represent unbelievers; their hearts are hardened; they don't receive Christ;
2.Seeds that fall on rocky ground;
3.Seeds that fall on thorns – These are believers who shift their focus from God (where it belongs) to the temporary things in life. They are what I refer to as "baby Christians". They still need "milk", because they haven't grown to a point where they can handle "meat" (Heb. 5:12-14);
4.Seeds that fall on good soil – These are believers who grow and mature in faith and, in turn, witness and share with others.
Number 2 represents false yeses. You may not see it at first, but over time, they may quit attending church altogether or you never see any fruit. That flame you thought you saw dies out quickly, because there is nothing behind it. We may never fully realize how many of these there are until it's too late. I think that the Bible is very clear in the teaching that salvation can't be lost once you've truly accepted it. If you could lose it, we'd all be getting baptized every day and it would be ridiculous after awhile. If you doubt that, read Romans 8. ESPECIALLY read Romans 8:38-39.
...A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. He, who has ears, let him hear. (Matt. 13:3-9, ESV)
And now, Jesus' explanation:
Hear then the parable of the sower: When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty. (Matt. 13: 18-23)
My interpretation (based on what Jesus says and the word as a whole). Number 2 is our main point of focus.
There are four examples given here:
1. Seeds that fall on the path – These represent unbelievers; their hearts are hardened; they don't receive Christ;
2.Seeds that fall on rocky ground;
3.Seeds that fall on thorns – These are believers who shift their focus from God (where it belongs) to the temporary things in life. They are what I refer to as "baby Christians". They still need "milk", because they haven't grown to a point where they can handle "meat" (Heb. 5:12-14);
4.Seeds that fall on good soil – These are believers who grow and mature in faith and, in turn, witness and share with others.
Number 2 represents false yeses. You may not see it at first, but over time, they may quit attending church altogether or you never see any fruit. That flame you thought you saw dies out quickly, because there is nothing behind it. We may never fully realize how many of these there are until it's too late. I think that the Bible is very clear in the teaching that salvation can't be lost once you've truly accepted it. If you could lose it, we'd all be getting baptized every day and it would be ridiculous after awhile. If you doubt that, read Romans 8. ESPECIALLY read Romans 8:38-39.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
On Hermeneutical Divorce
For the most part, I’ve done my best to avoid or stay out of arguments (online or otherwise) between my fellow Christians on hot topic issues that will continue to be an argument until Christ comes back. I’ve considered them as not essential to salvation and therefore, just been chill about the whole thing. Just as "hermeneutic" is used as a word for explaining, debate is another word for argument and life is too short for that. The Bible is pretty clear on arguments, too (2 Tim. 2: 14, 23). However, by avoiding one of the "big daddy" issues, I’ve essentially buried a major part of my witness for Christ. I’ve allowed proof of the greatest pain that led me to the greatest joy of my life be silenced by a spirit of fear and avoidance. No more. (I expect some demons just got the cold chills and Satan just got a little nervous.) It is my hope that this post and any comments that follow it will reflect 2 Tim. 2:24-26. Also note that any use of the word "you" refers to the reader in general.
While killing time at the public library yesterday, I decided to catch up on a friend’s blog, in particular his post on divorce and remarriage. In the past, he has posted multi part series on his studies of divorce and remarriage; biblical vs. not, etc. He has never been divorced (praise God!) but has had several people in his life who have been. He opened the post to everyone to provide him with hermeneutical reasons to marry a divorced woman. As I read the posts and multiple comments (including two of my own that were basically: eh, what’s the point?), I saw the BIG piece of the puzzle that everyone else was leaving out, and a lot of similarities to the "old", before salvation, me. I left what may be the longest blog comment in the history of my life and then decided that I’d blog about it here, where my Bible was handy and I could focus.
If you think that following the rules (aka legalism) is your ticket in and is what makes you a Christian (or what Christianity is all about), then my friend, I am about to blow your mind. It’s about God, His love for us, and *heaps* of grace (Christ).
If you think the *ideal* "Christian" marriage will save you (or be free of the risk of divorce), it won’t. If you think *not* remarrying will save you, it won’t. If you think living in Tibet as a hermit will save you, it won’t. Don’t for one second fool yourself by thinking that *your* actions are going to add bonus points with God. Don’t become a whitewashed tomb (See specifically Matt. 23: 27-28, read the whole chapter if you’re so inclined).
The Bible never gives *any* hermeneutical "ok" for *any* of our sin (lying, cheating, murdering, adultery, divorce, sexual impurity, etc.). The Bible will *never* say your sin is okie dokie. There is no such thing as a *lesser evil*. Sin is sin in God’s eyes; he makes no distinction between the white lie you told at breakfast, the gossip you spread at lunch and my divorce. They’re sin. We *are* sinfully evil. Check out 1 Cor. 6:9-10 for a list of those who won’t inherit the kingdom of God. No one is exempt from this list, and then, the escape clause (v.11)!!
You know what the Bible does say? Your only ticket to God, your only ticket to heaven, is Jesus Christ. Your only hope bled out onto the ground. Your only hope, took on all the sins of everyone in the world to the point that God could no longer bear to look at His own Son. And there is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING that YOU can do to add to that. Your best isn’t good enough and never will be. While God does love you so much, that he sent His Son to die for YOU and your life full of sin, that sin separates Him from you, and the only way to bridge that gap is Christ, like it or not. You and your actions and legalism and following the rules: IT AIN’T GOOD ENOUGH.
Look in the Bible for perfect people and you will find none but one: Christ. Look in the Bible for a list of "permissive sins" and you WON’T FIND IT. Look in the Bible for God’s grace and the times where He has used the absolute worse case scenarios and the absolute "worst people" (you know, sinners?) and YOU WILL FIND IT IN SPADES. Look for His love for you and you will find it nailed to a cross, sung about in the psalms and even in the book of Leviticus (rules that *still* didn’t save God’s chosen people or change their sinful nature).
The piece of the puzzle is this: YOU’RE A SINNER. YOU NEED CHRIST.
Frankly, I want to see all of you in heaven with me, and that won’t happen if you think that following the rules will somehow save you. Only Christ has the power to do that.
Now, some of you are scratching your heads. What did any of that have to do with hermeneutical divorce? It is my firm belief and conviction that any theological discussion leads back to our ONLY hope: Christ. Focusing on divorce vs. remarriage or different scientific creation theories or whatever else you want to debate about, needs to turn to Christ. If you are talking with an unbeliever, and the other topics open that door of communication, take it. You could be the last person who talks to them in this life.
It is a fact that when we sin, God is faithful to forgive us when we ask (I John 1:9). And I’ll close this with a quote from our DivorceCare series: "Divorce is an instance in your life, it is not a way of life" – Dr. Myles Munroe
While killing time at the public library yesterday, I decided to catch up on a friend’s blog, in particular his post on divorce and remarriage. In the past, he has posted multi part series on his studies of divorce and remarriage; biblical vs. not, etc. He has never been divorced (praise God!) but has had several people in his life who have been. He opened the post to everyone to provide him with hermeneutical reasons to marry a divorced woman. As I read the posts and multiple comments (including two of my own that were basically: eh, what’s the point?), I saw the BIG piece of the puzzle that everyone else was leaving out, and a lot of similarities to the "old", before salvation, me. I left what may be the longest blog comment in the history of my life and then decided that I’d blog about it here, where my Bible was handy and I could focus.
If you think that following the rules (aka legalism) is your ticket in and is what makes you a Christian (or what Christianity is all about), then my friend, I am about to blow your mind. It’s about God, His love for us, and *heaps* of grace (Christ).
If you think the *ideal* "Christian" marriage will save you (or be free of the risk of divorce), it won’t. If you think *not* remarrying will save you, it won’t. If you think living in Tibet as a hermit will save you, it won’t. Don’t for one second fool yourself by thinking that *your* actions are going to add bonus points with God. Don’t become a whitewashed tomb (See specifically Matt. 23: 27-28, read the whole chapter if you’re so inclined).
The Bible never gives *any* hermeneutical "ok" for *any* of our sin (lying, cheating, murdering, adultery, divorce, sexual impurity, etc.). The Bible will *never* say your sin is okie dokie. There is no such thing as a *lesser evil*. Sin is sin in God’s eyes; he makes no distinction between the white lie you told at breakfast, the gossip you spread at lunch and my divorce. They’re sin. We *are* sinfully evil. Check out 1 Cor. 6:9-10 for a list of those who won’t inherit the kingdom of God. No one is exempt from this list, and then, the escape clause (v.11)!!
You know what the Bible does say? Your only ticket to God, your only ticket to heaven, is Jesus Christ. Your only hope bled out onto the ground. Your only hope, took on all the sins of everyone in the world to the point that God could no longer bear to look at His own Son. And there is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING that YOU can do to add to that. Your best isn’t good enough and never will be. While God does love you so much, that he sent His Son to die for YOU and your life full of sin, that sin separates Him from you, and the only way to bridge that gap is Christ, like it or not. You and your actions and legalism and following the rules: IT AIN’T GOOD ENOUGH.
Look in the Bible for perfect people and you will find none but one: Christ. Look in the Bible for a list of "permissive sins" and you WON’T FIND IT. Look in the Bible for God’s grace and the times where He has used the absolute worse case scenarios and the absolute "worst people" (you know, sinners?) and YOU WILL FIND IT IN SPADES. Look for His love for you and you will find it nailed to a cross, sung about in the psalms and even in the book of Leviticus (rules that *still* didn’t save God’s chosen people or change their sinful nature).
The piece of the puzzle is this: YOU’RE A SINNER. YOU NEED CHRIST.
Frankly, I want to see all of you in heaven with me, and that won’t happen if you think that following the rules will somehow save you. Only Christ has the power to do that.
Now, some of you are scratching your heads. What did any of that have to do with hermeneutical divorce? It is my firm belief and conviction that any theological discussion leads back to our ONLY hope: Christ. Focusing on divorce vs. remarriage or different scientific creation theories or whatever else you want to debate about, needs to turn to Christ. If you are talking with an unbeliever, and the other topics open that door of communication, take it. You could be the last person who talks to them in this life.
It is a fact that when we sin, God is faithful to forgive us when we ask (I John 1:9). And I’ll close this with a quote from our DivorceCare series: "Divorce is an instance in your life, it is not a way of life" – Dr. Myles Munroe
Psalm 37:3-6 and Tree Frogs!
I wish I had a good analogy for this. And for some reason, all I can think about is how much I love the sound of tree frogs. For me, they herald the coming of my favorite season, summer, and all that it involves: sleeping with the windows open, running around barefoot, shorts, sandals, my birthday and the county fairs. Not to mention the (mostly) clear night skies and the fact that I can sit outside comfortably and just watch the stars and absolutely lose myself in wonderment at the God who created it all.
You see, I haven’t been able to do any of those things beyond the occasional sneak a peek at the stars, except hearing the sounds of tree frogs. For some reason, they’ve been going nuts for about the last two weeks. The same amount of time that I have been under a very direct spiritual attack.
As you may or may not have read the bits and pieces in my blog, I’m nearly financially ruined and this has been robbing me of the excitement of my first international mission trip to the point that I nearly pulled out last week. Not only did it rob me of that, more importantly, it robbed me of the very close communication that I was having with God in Bible study and in getting deeper into my prayer life. By the time I began to realize what was going on, I had missed two Sunday services and two sessions of my Wednesday night Bible study group. And *I* wondered why God felt so distant and why the life that was getting better, was starting to fall apart.
I was making online friends, and talking to them about godly things but the truth is that I was starting to rely on one in particular to sort of be my confidant and encourager. I was falling into my old unhealthy relationship patterns of putting another individual before God and before myself. One of the verses that appeared in one of our first conversations was Psalm 37:4. In encouraging me, he was seeking to remind me that God loves us and he *will* give you the desires of your heart. Who doesn’t love to hear that? Anyway, my new friend is trying to work through some things, and I realized that I had lost my focus and maybe he did, too.
At about midnight, unable to sleep, I decided to journal some Bible verses from one the Bible studies I have been working on called A Woman Who Hurts A God Who Heals. At the end of each lesson, you are provided with several different scriptures and you can choose whichever is speaking to you and journal about it, meditate on it, etc. And then God decided to do one of his really cool God things: the next selection on the list was Psalm 37:3-6.
Right away verse 4 jumped out at me (I’d underlined it previously) but then the entire selection got my attention. God was saying, Hello, Leah!!! Do I have your attention now??? Trust in me, commit to me!! Why are you worrying over money and your ex husband and your new friends and the price of gasoline?? WHERE IS YOUR FAITH???
Ooops. I enjoy my relationship with God, why have I been neglecting it??!! I need to slow down and learn to be patient and see what the future brings. My focus needs to shift to how I can live for Christ today and in seeking the hidden blessing in the everyday things of life. I need to *live with God in the moment* and let HIM focus on putting the rest of my days together. As if that weren’t enough to get my attention, God spoke to me again through my one year devotional Bible. The devotion was about the safety of the old and how our fear keeps us from our desires. The last sentence said it best: He preferred the safety of the old to the adventure of the new.
It was only after reading and praying and meditating on these verses (a lot!) that I was able to reach out and help others by giving them some advice that I hope they will take to heart. And then I realized how much I enjoy helping others just by listening to their problems. Just in talking to them and hearing how their family members are. The most worthwhile part of my day at any given moment is when I’ve helped someone obtain some sort of peace of mind through something that God has led me to say. I don’t know what this means in regards to my future, but hey, God works in mysterious ways, Elwood.
Now about those tree frogs. Had I taken the time to live in the moment, I’d have been able to appreciate my favorite sound in the world and the Creator who knows how much I love to hear them sing. And they did; through the whole thing. I just wasn’t open to hearing it.
You see, I haven’t been able to do any of those things beyond the occasional sneak a peek at the stars, except hearing the sounds of tree frogs. For some reason, they’ve been going nuts for about the last two weeks. The same amount of time that I have been under a very direct spiritual attack.
As you may or may not have read the bits and pieces in my blog, I’m nearly financially ruined and this has been robbing me of the excitement of my first international mission trip to the point that I nearly pulled out last week. Not only did it rob me of that, more importantly, it robbed me of the very close communication that I was having with God in Bible study and in getting deeper into my prayer life. By the time I began to realize what was going on, I had missed two Sunday services and two sessions of my Wednesday night Bible study group. And *I* wondered why God felt so distant and why the life that was getting better, was starting to fall apart.
I was making online friends, and talking to them about godly things but the truth is that I was starting to rely on one in particular to sort of be my confidant and encourager. I was falling into my old unhealthy relationship patterns of putting another individual before God and before myself. One of the verses that appeared in one of our first conversations was Psalm 37:4. In encouraging me, he was seeking to remind me that God loves us and he *will* give you the desires of your heart. Who doesn’t love to hear that? Anyway, my new friend is trying to work through some things, and I realized that I had lost my focus and maybe he did, too.
At about midnight, unable to sleep, I decided to journal some Bible verses from one the Bible studies I have been working on called A Woman Who Hurts A God Who Heals. At the end of each lesson, you are provided with several different scriptures and you can choose whichever is speaking to you and journal about it, meditate on it, etc. And then God decided to do one of his really cool God things: the next selection on the list was Psalm 37:3-6.
Right away verse 4 jumped out at me (I’d underlined it previously) but then the entire selection got my attention. God was saying, Hello, Leah!!! Do I have your attention now??? Trust in me, commit to me!! Why are you worrying over money and your ex husband and your new friends and the price of gasoline?? WHERE IS YOUR FAITH???
Ooops. I enjoy my relationship with God, why have I been neglecting it??!! I need to slow down and learn to be patient and see what the future brings. My focus needs to shift to how I can live for Christ today and in seeking the hidden blessing in the everyday things of life. I need to *live with God in the moment* and let HIM focus on putting the rest of my days together. As if that weren’t enough to get my attention, God spoke to me again through my one year devotional Bible. The devotion was about the safety of the old and how our fear keeps us from our desires. The last sentence said it best: He preferred the safety of the old to the adventure of the new.
It was only after reading and praying and meditating on these verses (a lot!) that I was able to reach out and help others by giving them some advice that I hope they will take to heart. And then I realized how much I enjoy helping others just by listening to their problems. Just in talking to them and hearing how their family members are. The most worthwhile part of my day at any given moment is when I’ve helped someone obtain some sort of peace of mind through something that God has led me to say. I don’t know what this means in regards to my future, but hey, God works in mysterious ways, Elwood.
Now about those tree frogs. Had I taken the time to live in the moment, I’d have been able to appreciate my favorite sound in the world and the Creator who knows how much I love to hear them sing. And they did; through the whole thing. I just wasn’t open to hearing it.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Tag! You're It!
Tag I'm IT! Here's how you play: Once you've been 'tagged,' you have to write a blog of 10 weird/random facts/habits/goals about yourself. At the end choose 10 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave them a comment (You're IT!) and tell them to read your blog. You can't tag the person who tagged you, since you can't tag me back - let me know when you've posted your blog so I can see your answers...
1. I am a child of God; all that I am is because He is. I want to be the woman that he intended for me to be.
2. I want to drive/ride in a stock car (NASCAR).
3. I want to see the ocean and walk on a beach.
4. I want to write a book. Not just any old commercial stuff; a good one with some substance.
5. I want to make a living by writing and/or helping families, by counseling, etc.
6. I would like to be somebody's mother one day. Adoption would be fine, too.
7. I want to go to a foreign country on a mission trip.
8. I'm sick of working for the man, it makes me feel like a sell out and it is mind numbing work. I miss writing, painting, drawing, quilting....being creative in general! I was/am good at it..
9. I can no longer stand negativity and arguments/fighting over stupid stuff. I can no longer stand screaming/yelling or putting the importance of "being right" over the importance of the relationship w/ that person. It makes my stomach hurt. In fact, people who think that their opinion is the only "right" way and everyone should agree with them are tops on my pet peeves list. (I can say that because I used to be that way!)
10. I would like to be more cheerful, or look more cheerful. People are always saying I look angry when I'm not; I'm just minding my own business.
1. I am a child of God; all that I am is because He is. I want to be the woman that he intended for me to be.
2. I want to drive/ride in a stock car (NASCAR).
3. I want to see the ocean and walk on a beach.
4. I want to write a book. Not just any old commercial stuff; a good one with some substance.
5. I want to make a living by writing and/or helping families, by counseling, etc.
6. I would like to be somebody's mother one day. Adoption would be fine, too.
7. I want to go to a foreign country on a mission trip.
8. I'm sick of working for the man, it makes me feel like a sell out and it is mind numbing work. I miss writing, painting, drawing, quilting....being creative in general! I was/am good at it..
9. I can no longer stand negativity and arguments/fighting over stupid stuff. I can no longer stand screaming/yelling or putting the importance of "being right" over the importance of the relationship w/ that person. It makes my stomach hurt. In fact, people who think that their opinion is the only "right" way and everyone should agree with them are tops on my pet peeves list. (I can say that because I used to be that way!)
10. I would like to be more cheerful, or look more cheerful. People are always saying I look angry when I'm not; I'm just minding my own business.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Terminology. Divorce. Social Skills. Stuff.
(Post may or may not make sense, I have an intense headache).
There are two terms that I am sick of hearing and/or reading about.
1. Single again
2. Unequal (or unequally) yokes (or yoked)
I've also been reading the blogs at Boundless, particularly a post about the age old excuse "I Just Haven't Found the Right One" . It reminds me of how I used to think, that divorce would never happen to me. It's a rather self righteous view of thinking. I do think that there are people (I was one of them) who look down on those that are divorced as somehow less deserving or more sinful than they are. I wish divorce didn't happen, I wish it never occurred. Many people have said that they think God hates divorce because it illustrates a relationship of Christ and the church. I think that God hates divorce because it hurts. It hurts more than you can possibly imagine, and can only begin to understand if you have gone through it.
One thing I am grateful for is that the righteous on this (Boundless) blog refuse to date us divorced people. I would think that if they did date a divorce person, or marry them, that it would be something that they would hang over their head or use against them. I could go on and on and on regarding this topic, but I won't tonight!
I didn't plan on taking the new round of DivorceCare classes (they are about 13 weeks), but we had two new people come last week, including a girl who is my age or older. I feel kind of idiotic (ok, stupid & clueless), because I've been praying all along that God would let me use my pain and experience to help others. The pastor's wife sat next to me on Wed. night and asked if I was taking the next round of classes. I said that I hadn't planned on it. She sounded kind of surprised and upset, and said that she was going to introduce me to a lady who would be participating, but instead she's just introduce them to the facilitators. Yesterday it hit me. I can still be a support to the other girls even though I'm focusing more on the future, and less on the past. I went through DivorceCare more or less on my own. It was mostly me and the facilitators. Which is ok, you just don't get as many different opinions or new friends, etc.
Wed. was not a good day for me. I realized that I am horrible at being social and somebody should offer a class on how to interact with people. I've never been great at it, but it's like I'm completely clueless now. I "abandoned" a new acquaintance Wed. night because I was too clueless to get the hint that he didn't want to go to one of the Bible studies on his own and/or wasn't sure what he should pick. (Our mutual, more outgoing friends, weren't there.) It hit me about five minutes later.
There are two terms that I am sick of hearing and/or reading about.
1. Single again
2. Unequal (or unequally) yokes (or yoked)
I've also been reading the blogs at Boundless, particularly a post about the age old excuse "I Just Haven't Found the Right One" . It reminds me of how I used to think, that divorce would never happen to me. It's a rather self righteous view of thinking. I do think that there are people (I was one of them) who look down on those that are divorced as somehow less deserving or more sinful than they are. I wish divorce didn't happen, I wish it never occurred. Many people have said that they think God hates divorce because it illustrates a relationship of Christ and the church. I think that God hates divorce because it hurts. It hurts more than you can possibly imagine, and can only begin to understand if you have gone through it.
One thing I am grateful for is that the righteous on this (Boundless) blog refuse to date us divorced people. I would think that if they did date a divorce person, or marry them, that it would be something that they would hang over their head or use against them. I could go on and on and on regarding this topic, but I won't tonight!
I didn't plan on taking the new round of DivorceCare classes (they are about 13 weeks), but we had two new people come last week, including a girl who is my age or older. I feel kind of idiotic (ok, stupid & clueless), because I've been praying all along that God would let me use my pain and experience to help others. The pastor's wife sat next to me on Wed. night and asked if I was taking the next round of classes. I said that I hadn't planned on it. She sounded kind of surprised and upset, and said that she was going to introduce me to a lady who would be participating, but instead she's just introduce them to the facilitators. Yesterday it hit me. I can still be a support to the other girls even though I'm focusing more on the future, and less on the past. I went through DivorceCare more or less on my own. It was mostly me and the facilitators. Which is ok, you just don't get as many different opinions or new friends, etc.
Wed. was not a good day for me. I realized that I am horrible at being social and somebody should offer a class on how to interact with people. I've never been great at it, but it's like I'm completely clueless now. I "abandoned" a new acquaintance Wed. night because I was too clueless to get the hint that he didn't want to go to one of the Bible studies on his own and/or wasn't sure what he should pick. (Our mutual, more outgoing friends, weren't there.) It hit me about five minutes later.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Trust, Israel, Joseph and Racing Camels.
My daily reading from Ephesians was interrupted Sunday and Monday by Scripture that directly affected my situation. I "stumbled" on these as I studied my one year reading Bible.
Sunday:
Proverbs 3:5-6 (HCSB*-emphasis mine): Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths.
I need to trust God with everything and throw my human logic out the window. I need to focus on God for everything, not just the big stuff (His will for the rest of my days). Trusting Him with the little things/ways will lead to the correct path as I will move deeper in my walk with Him. We have a tendency to think that God isn't concerned with "little" stuff, but He is. He wants us to go to him with our problems. The little things add up to the big path we take.
Monday:
Genesis 37:13 (HCSB*-emphasis mine): Israel said to Joseph, "Your brothers, you know, are pasturing the flocks at Schechem. Get ready. I'm sending you to them."
"I'm ready," Joseph replied.
What I love about this is that Joseph was ready before his father told him to go. He didn't say he needed to change clothes, or pack, or eat first, or race camels, or mend his tent. He replied, "I'm ready." He was prepared for the journey and he was obedient. He didn't say: "They don't like me too much, Dad, why don't you send one of the slaves?" When they weren't at Schechem, he went on to Dothan. He could have turned back and said, "Sorry, Dad, they weren't where you told me so I came home. I'm off to race my camel!" Or he could have just hung out in Schechem for awhile and waited on them to come to him. He was obedient in going to the people, not just the place.
This is important to me, because if I do feel led to a specific place, I will have to go to the people, and not just wait around for them to approach me. One on one interaction is difficult for me as my natural tendency is to be an introvert (until a topic comes up that I'm passionate about, and then I won't shut up for a long time). It is also important because he was ready and willing to go; no excuses.
(I could go deeper on each of these, but I've got to be ready and that involves laundry, packing, cleaning and returning phone calls.)
*Passages quoted from the Everyday with Jesus Bible; Holman Bible Publishers.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
A Lunch Hour Dilemma: Phillipians
I keep finding myself debating what I should be doing and the debate is this: Is this God's will or Is this my will (aka settling for less than the best way or screwing up again)?
This internal debate got all stirred up (again) after a brief sermon by Dr. York on his non linear outline of the book of Phillipians, in which these four steps are repeated throughout the book (I'll be studying this in depth later tonight). They are (with apologies for any incorrectness; I forgot my notebook so my notes are few):
1. To understand that God has a purpose for your (my) life; the will of God isn't revealed in the circumstances but in the way I handle/respond to those circumstances.
2. God chooses the means to accomplish that purpose (His) in your (my) life.
3. You must respond correctly to the means God chooses to accomplish his purpose in your (my) life. This is where I have a choice, and affect the outcome.
4. Results are reaped based on my response. If you (I) don't respond correctly; you (I) don't get the blessing from God's treasure house (whether this is converts, good relationships, spouse, etc.).
Number three is what has me all freaked out, because I feel like so much time is being wasted. I'm also prone to boredom, so that affects things, too. I know I shouldn't be all anxious about it (Phillipians 1:6), but if you've hit rock bottom once, you have no desire to be back in that place again. Maybe I'm getting too comfortable, and wanting to stay put when I'm not meant to. Learning to be content in every situation doesn't necessarily mean that you are meant to stay in that situation.
I don't know. My lunch break is over and I'm still no closer to an answer than I was before....
....to be continued later, I guess.
This internal debate got all stirred up (again) after a brief sermon by Dr. York on his non linear outline of the book of Phillipians, in which these four steps are repeated throughout the book (I'll be studying this in depth later tonight). They are (with apologies for any incorrectness; I forgot my notebook so my notes are few):
1. To understand that God has a purpose for your (my) life; the will of God isn't revealed in the circumstances but in the way I handle/respond to those circumstances.
2. God chooses the means to accomplish that purpose (His) in your (my) life.
3. You must respond correctly to the means God chooses to accomplish his purpose in your (my) life. This is where I have a choice, and affect the outcome.
4. Results are reaped based on my response. If you (I) don't respond correctly; you (I) don't get the blessing from God's treasure house (whether this is converts, good relationships, spouse, etc.).
Number three is what has me all freaked out, because I feel like so much time is being wasted. I'm also prone to boredom, so that affects things, too. I know I shouldn't be all anxious about it (Phillipians 1:6), but if you've hit rock bottom once, you have no desire to be back in that place again. Maybe I'm getting too comfortable, and wanting to stay put when I'm not meant to. Learning to be content in every situation doesn't necessarily mean that you are meant to stay in that situation.
I don't know. My lunch break is over and I'm still no closer to an answer than I was before....
....to be continued later, I guess.
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