Ten Years

Today has been both a happy day and a sad day for me. Happy because I got the third chance I'd prayed for to run into someone who I hadn't seen in ten years, and whose soul I desperately want to see in heaven. Happy because I am so terrified of people and actually had the courage to approach him at his table and (re)introduce myself. Happy because God answered my prayer.
Sad because I can't make this type of decision for him. Sad because he still seemed so....broken and hopeless.

Tonight we had a Sunday School class dinner at Longhorn in Frankfort. I found my guitar charm necklace Monday night, and have been wearing it ever since. At dinner, the lady across from me asked if it was a guitar and if I played. I said yes, I used to play, and I missed the music. When I got home, I got my guitar out of the case and tried to see what I could remember. Not much of anything.

I know that I'll never be famous or on a stage or even half as good as someone like Stevie Ray Vaughan, but I miss being able to just play, me and this guitar, and let my emotions roll as they pleased. Ten years ago, this was my greatest pleasure, my only outlet. I lived, breathed and dreamed music to the point that my dad got worried and told me this obsession had to stop. Those of you reading this (if that's any of you), are probably wondering: If you loved it so much, why did you stop?

The answer to that, friends, is I fell in love with a (human) someone and I felt that I had to decide between him and music. I chose him. Nearly six years and a divorce later, I wish I'd stuck to music. So tonight, I'm making a promise to myself that I will never again change who I am to "make" or "hope" some guy might like me more than the other girl across the room.

I promise the next post will be more....uplifting.