Clear As Mud

A quote from an article I read this past week:

"When Jesus loved a guilt-laden person and helped him, He saw in him an erring child of God. He saw in him a human being who His Father loved and grieved over because he was going wrong. He saw him as God originally designed and meant him to be, and therefore, He saw through the surface layer of grime and dirt to the real man underneath. Jesus did not identify the person with his sin, but rather saw in this sin something alien, something that did not really belong to him, something that merely chained and mastered him and from which he would free him and bring him back to his real self. Jesus was able to love men because He loved them right through the layer of mud." (Helmut Thielicke)

This is something that I have difficulty doing, because I spend too much time trying to figure out why the individual is in my path and their effect on me, vs. what God has planned. So, rather than try to figure it all out, I'm just going to try loving others through their layers of mud. Otherwise, everything will always be clear as mud...

Sparrows and Lillies

Yesterday I was blessed by a beautiful fall day, a pleasant lunch on a patio and the company of new friends. The temperature was perfect and after we finished our meal and sat around talking, the sparrows and finches would land near us and chirp while they waited for our crumbs. It did much to cheer my spirits after some frustrating news regarding my housing situation and I was able to relax and enjoy the fellowship.

Today I flipped through a magazine at lunch and came to an article that referenced Luke 12:22-32. I could not read past the reference. I had to look it up. Verse 27-31 really jumped out at me. I backtracked and read the entire chapter and verse 6 also grabbed my attention. I was able to feel more at peace and focus on my work.

Tonight I realized, on another level, the depth of God's love for me. If He cares so much for sparrows, like the ones I saw at lunch yesterday, and I am more important, how many good things are ahead for me? And my job, as a "lilly" (see v. 27) is to grow in this stage of my life, regardless of what is going on around me that I can't control.

O (me) of little faith!!

And then the video below, forwarded to me from a friend.

Give Me Your Eyes

My new favorite song is Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath (listen here). The more I listen to it, the more I think about how differently we would see things if we could see them through God's eyes.

And I think that glimpse would carry more pain and sorrow than we could take, so it's a good thing we can't really see all that God sees in a second.

I was having a conversation with someone today who was expressing their annoyance with a co-worker who needed a ride to the doctor, and no one would help her (the co-worker). This woman is abused by her husband, has financial problems and a possible addiction to prescription painkillers. I was shocked that no one could be bothered to disrupt their lunch plans to take her to the doctor. The reason I was given, was that if they helped her, she would expect them to help her all the time, and then they could never get anything done for themselves, if they spent all their time helping her.

I bit back my opinion, and all I could hear was the lyric from the chorus of this song and thought what it must be like to walk in this woman's shoes. I know it has to be difficult. Aren't we, however, as Christians, supposed to love and care for others, even putting their needs above our own?

This brings me to another question which is a very valid point. Where do you draw the line? I am considering full time missions/ministry work...where do I draw the boundary in pouring out Christ's love for others, and keeping myself sane?

For me, (I like to think) I would keep giving until I had nothing left. I just don't see how I couldn't. I doubt anyone reads this, or will comment, but if you are out there in internet land, do you have any thoughts?

Random Thoughts: Afterthoughts

1. Youth all nighter went well. Gospel was presented at exactly 3:30 and when the kids turned in their note cards (w/ name written on them & star if they wanted to talk to someone or know more), their were twelve cards w/ stars. I have learned that I am still completely terrible at miniature golf. I play the game, so that others can win!

2. Before we left for the all nighter, Jamie, our group leader in South Africa, tells me that Pastor Thaboe called him on Sunday looking for me. I asked Jamie what he wanted, and he said that he thought he just wanted to check on me. I need to get in touch with him. It will make me want to go back ASAP. I know it will.

3. Where do we draw the line on "acceptable" music? A song was skipped last night on the jukebox (rightfully so), but it was just as bad (lyrically) as some of the other songs that played.

4. I don't want to leave my house until I'm sure I can be gone for awhile, because today is Switzer Covered Bridge Day. There are people everywhere who do not know how to walk on the sides, and not in the middle, of a country road. Apparently, it is not as dangerous as a city road.

5. A small thing God took care of yesterday: I joked w/ a work friend that I would have to use the same ten boxes to move my stuff, as that was as many as I had. At 3:30 in the afternoon (what is it w/ 3:30?!), the janitor came to tell me that there were tons of boxes left over from conference material prep. I went home w/ a car full of boxes and there are more locked in my office to take home on Monday. It was something I didn't think to pray about, but that God provided.

It's the Little Things

Yesterday I was watching a little t.v. before my Experiencing God Bible study. Prince was mentioned, and right at that second all I could think was: I want to listen to When Doves Cry NOW! So I did what broke folk everywhere do and pull up the song on YouTube. The only video I could find had no sound. Apparently, Prince is from the Lars Ulrich (of Metallica) school of thought which is that the fans must pay for the music at all times. I thought, okay, no big deal and headed off to my study.

After the study I went to eat at Chili's with my friend S. We're chatting about random things when I realize that whatever they're pumping through the speakers sounds familiar. She looks at me like I'm crazy when I ask if she hears it too. I get super excited. "The song! It's When Doves Cry! By Prince!" I explain the reason for my excitement and think about how cool it is that the God who made the universe would care enough to have something as simple as a song play while I'm eating. In my case, it's often the little things in life that remind me of how small I am and how BIG God is.

My dad doesn't realize sometimes that it's the little things he does that also being me closer to God. He gets to missing me when I don't have time to come over for dinner, so occasionally he will call me to eat Chinese food with him at lunch. (Chinese is our "thing" because my mother and brother hate it.) Today was one of those days. We had finished our meal and gotten the check and fortune cookies. Dad read his fortune, and then I read mine.

"You have the ability to accomplish great things."

My dad looks at me and says, "You can, you know."

Maybe a moment like this is only fully understood by other "daddy's girls". In this moment I felt restored, in a sense. Something as life changing (shattering) as a divorce can leave a person wondering how horrible they truly are, that they are incapable of accomplishing anything and totally unlovable. My father believes I can do anything I set my mind to, and I felt as if my heavenly Father was telling me so, too. Does He give me the strength and resources? Absolutely. Does He still love me even when I screw up? Most definitely. That is why, more than anything, I want to follow what He wants for me, and not my own path. It is what is making it so hard for me to decide on continuing my education. Do I pursue an education in missions exclusively (through Boyce), or do I finish my degree in (teaching) English (8th-12th grade)? I've been told by several people that a degree in English would open doors to some countries that would otherwise be closed.

Either way, I'm standing at the precipice of my future, and I can feel the love and support holding me up, just in case I start to fall.

Currently Listening to: Washed by the Water, by Need to Breathe from The Heat

To the Ends of the Earth

Tonight I gave a brief presentation at my parents' church (my former church) on our mission trip to South Africa. I spoke for about twenty minutes, showed some photos in PowerPoint and answered a few questions after. One of those questions caught me completely off guard.

A member of the church asked me if I would be willing to go on a trip to a place like, say, the jungle to witness to people who have never even seen a white person before. My response was yes, I would go if asked and after praying about it. The same individual says, But you could be killed. Would you still go then? I said yes, and turned my back to them so that they could see the other side of our "official" South Africa 2008 trip t-shirt (irony!). "My shirt has a quote from Jim Elliot, who was martyred in a similar sort of situation."

(The quote: "He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.")

I said that if an individual truly believes that God is who He says He is and that if Jesus is who He says He is and that if the Bible is truly what it says it is...then how can you not? Our group ran the risk of making the wrong people angry in South Africa and it is also possible to be killed in America for your faith, although it is less likely.

All in all, it was a good presentation and I hope that this clay vessel was able to deliver the correct message to those who needed to hear it.

This...

....is awesome.

Modem weirdness

So my internet has only worked when a certain individual is on Facebook. It is very weird and random, just the sort of thing God uses to get my attention.

Anyway, I've got a couple posts to brush up and "make official" here, which will be good. Although it's been frustrating to be unable to access the 'net, it has forced me to focus on listening (or trying to listen) to the Spirit. I know that my life has a definite direction (because I am His), I am either overthinking it or just missing the point.

So we'll see.

South Africa: First Post of Many

I found yummy (expensive) 100% orange + mango juice and I am enjoying a big ol' glass of it. I know you're thinking, what does juice have to do with South Africa?

South Africa has a juice brand called Pure Joy and it is the perfect brand name for 100% juice. They have some wonderful juice blends that, in my opinion, put Dole and Tropicana to shame. Now when I see juice I think of Pure Joy. When I think of Pure Joy, I think of Rosaline. And rocks.

Yep. Rocks. And the most awesome thing I've been privileged to be a part of in my life. The rocks aren't much to look at. The only thing that separates them from everyday rocks is that they are from Africa. They are special because they were used to bring a woman, Rosaline, to Christ. You see, while I am new in my salvation, I am no stranger to Christianity. I know the "right" answers. But this trip focused exclusively on evangelizing. You know; out of my comfort zone. Our group of eight split into teams with two (or more) translators. The first day I was paired with our group leader. I was too intimidated to say anything, but I watched as he used rocks to tell the Creation story. The ladies at the four houses we visited listened, but were content in their church membership. I couldn't help but wonder about how it could be discussed so that they might realize how important it was to their lives.

The next day, I was paired with my friend, Rachel. I asked her if I might watch her witness at our first house of the day, a man and woman. The woman was very interested, but the man just looked away or stared at the ground. I listened as Rachel told her testimony and used Scripture to point to them to Christ. Something in me clicked, and I used the rocks combined with my testimony, and some Scripture, to witness. That was a Tuesday. We watched as two of those we witnessed to gave their lives to Christ, and some more on Wednesday as well.

But something kept bugging both Rachel and myself. It was difficult to tell if their conversions were real, or if they just said what they thought we wanted to hear. Fast forward to Thursday, and our third house of the day. This part of the township seemed rougher than other areas. Most ladies were doing their laundry (no washing machines, just tubs of water, detergent and their hands) or other housework, several turned us away because of their work. And then we came to a metal shack with several tubs of laundry in the yard. Elizabeth, our translator, knocked at the door and soon an older woman came out and began scrubbing her arms. She had been cleaning her stove, and her hands and arms (to the elbows) were solid black. This lady also brought her chairs to the yard, and in addition to that, wiped each seat down with a clean rag. We took a seat, and Elizabeth chatted with her for a few minutes. She told me that the lady's name was Rosaline, and that she attended the apostolic church (more on that one later).

I struggled with how to begin. As I knew, just going to church wasn't enough but I also didn't want to insult her. Previously, I just started talking but this time I was prompted (the only word I have for it) to ask a very simple question: "Ask her, please, what she knows about Jesus."

"Nothing."

I don't remember the specifics of what I said, or even thinking that I was saying exactly what God wanted me to. I do remember looking up into Rosaline's eyes (at some point I was on my knees illustrating with the rocks) to find her focused intently on my face, looking into my eyes, even though her understanding of what I was saying came from Elizabeth. When I stopped, Elizabeth began talking to her some more, using the rocks. Rosaline seemed to have some questions. After a bit, Elizabeth turned to me and said, "She said she understands, and she wants to accept Jesus as her Savior."

I looked at Rachel, and I think we had the same thought. That talking to Rosaline was different, but that we both wanted to know for sure. Rachel asked Rosaline (through Elizabeth) if she felt that her heart were heavy; that something was tugging at it. It was, and she did. Rachel told Elizabeth that Rosaline should pray to accept Christ on her own, and then we would pray for her after.

I couldn't understand the words of her prayer, but Rosaline prayed with such joy and thanksgiving that I will never forget it. I have seen firsthand what it means to receive the Word with joy!! I prayed after Rosaline, through tears for the joy of it all. I could see it reflected on all of our faces. As we left, Rosaline continue to say "danke, ma'am, danke", which is basically "thank you".

So I challenge you (and me). What everyday items/instances/events could you use to introduce someone to Christ? Witnessing in America is definitely different (more difficult) than witnessing in a foreign country. But, oh, when God moves to soften hearts...how beautiful. And humbling.

I Was...

...going to type a post on this subject, but my former youth pastor has already done so.

How I long for a greater understanding of God's will in my life!! It is so frustrating to find Him so near and yet so far.

Other than that, all I know is:

And I want to shine
I want to be light
I want to tell you
it'll be alright
Yeah, I want to shine
And I want to fly
Just to tell you now
it'll be alright
it'll be alright, yeah
it'll be alright

- Stars; David Crowder Band

The Pride of Life and Swings

Yesterday was the type of day where God just continually reminds me of His grace, presence and all around awesomeness. It wasn't my typical Sunday; I overslept for my church's early service and decided to try and make Hope's late service as promised. After enjoying some wonderful worship; I settled in to take sermon notes. (You can find the sermon here.)

Wow. Talk about getting a message from God and putting some things into perspective!! A few key points really jumped out at me. And I am guilty.

1. I am my own resource; I don't need help from others (yeah, it turns out all this time thinking that I'm just independent was code for full of pride). I see those who are dependent as weak. (Why!!??!!!)

2. Where are my prejudices?

And; that people only belong in one of two categories. Someone who is with Christ or someone who Christ has died for. (Amen!!)

And then comes an even cooler example of God's greatness. Laminin. If you've listened to the sermon, I suspect that you can hear what the pastor is referring to (I could be wrong). Anyway, it's much cooler when you see it for yourself; so watch this video, please...


And I am blown away, because three or four days ago, a friend forwarded an e-mail to me about laminin and I was very frustrated by it because I could not find a picture of laminin anywhere.
A cool God thing, and all in God's perfect timing!!

And then I go with my friend's church (Hope) to visit students at the Stewart Home. I'm out of my comfort zone. I'm around people I don't know very well and students with needs that I'm not accustomed to dealing with. I'm excited and the music is great and everyone is having fun. I'm sitting on the bleachers and while all this rockin' praise music is playing, a group of people start dancing in front of the stage. I want to dance with them, but what will my friend think? (crazy, right?) And then she decides to dance, I hesitate and the band begins to play Open Skies. It won't make much sense to you now, but all I could think was we're all held together by laminin; and it's as if our bodies reflect praise for the Creator whether we accept Him or not. And that being childlike is awesome; so I joined the dancing crowd and was at peace and joyful. I let the pride drop and it was the best part of my day; holding hands and dancing with a girl named Wendy. Receiving hugs as if they were from God Himself. Being serenaded (Happy Birthday) by one student.

It seemed like I got a glimpse of heaven. I really doubt that we'll all be sitting in nice little rows singing somber hallelujahs or only walking streets of gold next to people in our comfort zone. At least I hope not. I hope we'll be praising God in a big ol' mosh pit; happy and having the time of our (after) lives.

Afterwards some of us went to the park. I love the swings; always have, always will. So after I ate, I hit the swings. And life was good. I got to be "childlike" and not think about work or where else I should be or what I should be doing. I was just me. Enjoying the day and the fellowship of those around me. And it was awesome.

Thoughts on the Parable of the Sower

A friend and I have been having a sort of intense discussion over the past two days regarding salvation. My friend looks to the parable of the sower and believes that one of the examples represents those who lose their salvation. And, well, here's my attempt at an explanation. First, the parable itself:

...A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. He, who has ears, let him hear. (Matt. 13:3-9, ESV)

And now, Jesus' explanation:

Hear then the parable of the sower: When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty. (Matt. 13: 18-23)
My interpretation (based on what Jesus says and the word as a whole). Number 2 is our main point of focus.
There are four examples given here:
1. Seeds that fall on the path – These represent unbelievers; their hearts are hardened; they don't receive Christ;
2.Seeds that fall on rocky ground;
3.Seeds that fall on thorns – These are believers who shift their focus from God (where it belongs) to the temporary things in life. They are what I refer to as "baby Christians". They still need "milk", because they haven't grown to a point where they can handle "meat" (Heb. 5:12-14);
4.Seeds that fall on good soil – These are believers who grow and mature in faith and, in turn, witness and share with others.

Number 2 represents false yeses. You may not see it at first, but over time, they may quit attending church altogether or you never see any fruit. That flame you thought you saw dies out quickly, because there is nothing behind it. We may never fully realize how many of these there are until it's too late. I think that the Bible is very clear in the teaching that salvation can't be lost once you've truly accepted it. If you could lose it, we'd all be getting baptized every day and it would be ridiculous after awhile. If you doubt that, read Romans 8. ESPECIALLY read Romans 8:38-39.

Psalm 37:3-6 and Tree Frogs!

I wish I had a good analogy for this. And for some reason, all I can think about is how much I love the sound of tree frogs. For me, they herald the coming of my favorite season, summer, and all that it involves: sleeping with the windows open, running around barefoot, shorts, sandals, my birthday and the county fairs. Not to mention the (mostly) clear night skies and the fact that I can sit outside comfortably and just watch the stars and absolutely lose myself in wonderment at the God who created it all.

You see, I haven’t been able to do any of those things beyond the occasional sneak a peek at the stars, except hearing the sounds of tree frogs. For some reason, they’ve been going nuts for about the last two weeks. The same amount of time that I have been under a very direct spiritual attack.

As you may or may not have read the bits and pieces in my blog, I’m nearly financially ruined and this has been robbing me of the excitement of my first international mission trip to the point that I nearly pulled out last week. Not only did it rob me of that, more importantly, it robbed me of the very close communication that I was having with God in Bible study and in getting deeper into my prayer life. By the time I began to realize what was going on, I had missed two Sunday services and two sessions of my Wednesday night Bible study group. And *I* wondered why God felt so distant and why the life that was getting better, was starting to fall apart.

I was making online friends, and talking to them about godly things but the truth is that I was starting to rely on one in particular to sort of be my confidant and encourager. I was falling into my old unhealthy relationship patterns of putting another individual before God and before myself. One of the verses that appeared in one of our first conversations was Psalm 37:4. In encouraging me, he was seeking to remind me that God loves us and he *will* give you the desires of your heart. Who doesn’t love to hear that? Anyway, my new friend is trying to work through some things, and I realized that I had lost my focus and maybe he did, too.

At about midnight, unable to sleep, I decided to journal some Bible verses from one the Bible studies I have been working on called A Woman Who Hurts A God Who Heals. At the end of each lesson, you are provided with several different scriptures and you can choose whichever is speaking to you and journal about it, meditate on it, etc. And then God decided to do one of his really cool God things: the next selection on the list was Psalm 37:3-6.

Right away verse 4 jumped out at me (I’d underlined it previously) but then the entire selection got my attention. God was saying, Hello, Leah!!! Do I have your attention now??? Trust in me, commit to me!! Why are you worrying over money and your ex husband and your new friends and the price of gasoline?? WHERE IS YOUR FAITH???

Ooops. I enjoy my relationship with God, why have I been neglecting it??!! I need to slow down and learn to be patient and see what the future brings. My focus needs to shift to how I can live for Christ today and in seeking the hidden blessing in the everyday things of life. I need to *live with God in the moment* and let HIM focus on putting the rest of my days together. As if that weren’t enough to get my attention, God spoke to me again through my one year devotional Bible. The devotion was about the safety of the old and how our fear keeps us from our desires. The last sentence said it best: He preferred the safety of the old to the adventure of the new.

It was only after reading and praying and meditating on these verses (a lot!) that I was able to reach out and help others by giving them some advice that I hope they will take to heart. And then I realized how much I enjoy helping others just by listening to their problems. Just in talking to them and hearing how their family members are. The most worthwhile part of my day at any given moment is when I’ve helped someone obtain some sort of peace of mind through something that God has led me to say. I don’t know what this means in regards to my future, but hey, God works in mysterious ways, Elwood.

Now about those tree frogs. Had I taken the time to live in the moment, I’d have been able to appreciate my favorite sound in the world and the Creator who knows how much I love to hear them sing. And they did; through the whole thing. I just wasn’t open to hearing it.

Trust, Israel, Joseph and Racing Camels.

My daily reading from Ephesians was interrupted Sunday and Monday by Scripture that directly affected my situation. I "stumbled" on these as I studied my one year reading Bible.

Sunday:

Proverbs 3:5-6 (HCSB*-emphasis mine): Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths.

I need to trust God with everything and throw my human logic out the window. I need to focus on God for everything, not just the big stuff (His will for the rest of my days). Trusting Him with the little things/ways will lead to the correct path as I will move deeper in my walk with Him. We have a tendency to think that God isn't concerned with "little" stuff, but He is. He wants us to go to him with our problems. The little things add up to the big path we take.

Monday:

Genesis 37:13 (HCSB*-emphasis mine): Israel said to Joseph, "Your brothers, you know, are pasturing the flocks at Schechem. Get ready. I'm sending you to them."

"I'm ready," Joseph replied.

What I love about this is that Joseph was ready before his father told him to go. He didn't say he needed to change clothes, or pack, or eat first, or race camels, or mend his tent. He replied, "I'm ready." He was prepared for the journey and he was obedient. He didn't say: "They don't like me too much, Dad, why don't you send one of the slaves?" When they weren't at Schechem, he went on to Dothan. He could have turned back and said, "Sorry, Dad, they weren't where you told me so I came home. I'm off to race my camel!" Or he could have just hung out in Schechem for awhile and waited on them to come to him. He was obedient in going to the people, not just the place.

This is important to me, because if I do feel led to a specific place, I will have to go to the people, and not just wait around for them to approach me. One on one interaction is difficult for me as my natural tendency is to be an introvert (until a topic comes up that I'm passionate about, and then I won't shut up for a long time). It is also important because he was ready and willing to go; no excuses.

(I could go deeper on each of these, but I've got to be ready and that involves laundry, packing, cleaning and returning phone calls.)

*Passages quoted from the Everyday with Jesus Bible; Holman Bible Publishers.