Random Thoughts: Afterthoughts

1. Youth all nighter went well. Gospel was presented at exactly 3:30 and when the kids turned in their note cards (w/ name written on them & star if they wanted to talk to someone or know more), their were twelve cards w/ stars. I have learned that I am still completely terrible at miniature golf. I play the game, so that others can win!

2. Before we left for the all nighter, Jamie, our group leader in South Africa, tells me that Pastor Thaboe called him on Sunday looking for me. I asked Jamie what he wanted, and he said that he thought he just wanted to check on me. I need to get in touch with him. It will make me want to go back ASAP. I know it will.

3. Where do we draw the line on "acceptable" music? A song was skipped last night on the jukebox (rightfully so), but it was just as bad (lyrically) as some of the other songs that played.

4. I don't want to leave my house until I'm sure I can be gone for awhile, because today is Switzer Covered Bridge Day. There are people everywhere who do not know how to walk on the sides, and not in the middle, of a country road. Apparently, it is not as dangerous as a city road.

5. A small thing God took care of yesterday: I joked w/ a work friend that I would have to use the same ten boxes to move my stuff, as that was as many as I had. At 3:30 in the afternoon (what is it w/ 3:30?!), the janitor came to tell me that there were tons of boxes left over from conference material prep. I went home w/ a car full of boxes and there are more locked in my office to take home on Monday. It was something I didn't think to pray about, but that God provided.

Ten Years

Today has been both a happy day and a sad day for me. Happy because I got the third chance I'd prayed for to run into someone who I hadn't seen in ten years, and whose soul I desperately want to see in heaven. Happy because I am so terrified of people and actually had the courage to approach him at his table and (re)introduce myself. Happy because God answered my prayer.
Sad because I can't make this type of decision for him. Sad because he still seemed so....broken and hopeless.

Tonight we had a Sunday School class dinner at Longhorn in Frankfort. I found my guitar charm necklace Monday night, and have been wearing it ever since. At dinner, the lady across from me asked if it was a guitar and if I played. I said yes, I used to play, and I missed the music. When I got home, I got my guitar out of the case and tried to see what I could remember. Not much of anything.

I know that I'll never be famous or on a stage or even half as good as someone like Stevie Ray Vaughan, but I miss being able to just play, me and this guitar, and let my emotions roll as they pleased. Ten years ago, this was my greatest pleasure, my only outlet. I lived, breathed and dreamed music to the point that my dad got worried and told me this obsession had to stop. Those of you reading this (if that's any of you), are probably wondering: If you loved it so much, why did you stop?

The answer to that, friends, is I fell in love with a (human) someone and I felt that I had to decide between him and music. I chose him. Nearly six years and a divorce later, I wish I'd stuck to music. So tonight, I'm making a promise to myself that I will never again change who I am to "make" or "hope" some guy might like me more than the other girl across the room.

I promise the next post will be more....uplifting.

Heart Song: Whiskey in the Jar

Awhile back, I did a post on "heart songs". One of those songs is called Whiskey in the Jar, and the version I referred to is played by Metallica on the album Garage Inc. When I listen to the album, a few people always come to mind. One of those people I hadn't seen in almost ten years, and we did not part on good terms. I was a spoiled brat, and an idiot on top of it. Who wants to stick around for that?

Anyway. I worked the Nationwide race at the Kentucky Speedway as an usher back in June. I was working another usher's section, when I came face to face with this person, blinked, and he was gone. I thought I'd imagined it and had put it out of my mind. I couldn't help thinking that I was supposed to say something to him, and had blown it. I prayed about it, and figured I wouldn't see him anytime soon as I had been told he'd moved out of state some time ago.

This past Friday, I decided to drive across town to clear my head and get some lunch at the west side McDonald's (yes, it is faster). I was in line at the drive through when I noticed two guys walking across the parking lot (from behind me) into MickeyD's (in front of me). One of them was wearing a floppy hat just like the guy at the race. One of the guys (most likely his boss), stepped into some gum. Floppy hat guy laughed and smoked just like he always had. I kind of laughed to myself until I realized that it WAS him! And I was stuck in the drive through!! And I was blowing my second chance!!!

I paid for my food and got my food just as they reached the doors. I turned to be sure my hunch was right and I'm 99% sure he saw and recognized me. The right thing to do would have been to find a parking space and go talk. Instead, I drove back to work and it has been bothering me ever since.

So, I'm praying for a third chance.

Music!

My newest musical interest is Jim Cole. I'm not usually a huge fan of acoustic music, but anyone who can bust out acoustic blues in church is my new hero. I love blues. Mr. Cole tells a story about asking a bluesman if it's ok to play blues and follow God. The bluesman compares the blues to lamenting. Anyway, if you ever get the opportunity to hear him play, do it. I haven't listened to all of his work, but I liked the majority of what I heard. (Check out The Solid Rock from his hymns project. Laundry Blues is funny.)

There would be more to this post, but I'm tired and wishing I had an iPod.

Heart Songs

The reason for this post can be found here. It's crazy how much of this list I already had. My songs follow in chronological order as they affected me. The stories behind some of these are more interesting than they appear! And this list could be much (so much) longer...

He’s Still Working on Me – Joel Hemphill: The first song I can remember hearing. I sang it with my mother in church as a duet when I was four or five. I remember hiding behind the pulpit, and she has it on tape somewhere.

I Think We’re Alone Now – Tommy James & The Shondells: The only songs that I knew of when I was a kid were oldies and church music. I used to play my mom’s records and she didn’t have many that I liked. This was one.

Unchained Melody – Elvis Presley: Same as above, only this record was blue and Elvis was my favorite.

Down Under - Men At Work: I loved the Crocodile Dundee movies and Australia, so I love this song.

Under the Sea – Little Mermaid Soundtrack: Memorized the movie in one summer, wore out the soundtrack.

She – Green Day – 8^th grade: I did a lot of “screaming in silence”.

No Diggity – Blackstreet: Played on the radio on my first date alone with my first boyfriend, at the ripe old age of 15.

Shake For Me – Stevie Ray Vaughan: The song that made me pick up a guitar in the first place. It gave me chills down the spine, the works.

Lenny – Stevie Ray Vaughan: What love feels like.

Love Hurts – Nazareth: Second boyfriend, “puppy” love, guitarist who I like to think dumped me because I had the potential to be better than his stoner self was on the guitar. Anyway. He thought playing this song while he dumped me was going to help.

Undone-Sweater Song - Weezer: I’m taking guitar lessons and loathing pop music. My best friend loves it, especially Backstreet Boys, N’Sync and Weezer . We were working at the movie theater together and at night we’d drive around in her old car and sing to this at the top of our lungs. This song was our compromise.

Abracadabra – Steve Miller Band: Somebody released a pop (new) version of this song, I stuck to the old. And debated the merits of the old (rock) vs. the new (pop) at my co-op job with one of the other employees…constantly.

Who You’d Be Today – Kenny Chesney: One of the girls I worked with was killed in a car accident when we were (both) 17, seniors, and worked at the movie theater. A guy friend of mine was driving the car and had to have security in the hospital; he received death threats for awhile after. I will never forget being at the visitation and signing the casket; and that to (my) knowledge, she died without Christ.

The Unforgiven – Metallica: Spoke directly to my rebel self. Especially the never free part. And it sounded good cranked up on the car radio in the summer, with the windows down.

Crazy Train –Ozzy Osbourne: Spent some time with a heavy metal garage band. Their pride and joy were two full stacks of Marshall amps and their goal was to master “Crazy Train”. Every day for a month I heard Crazy Train over and over and over. And tried to get me to be their singer, but really, no one can sing over those amps.

Whiskey In the Jar – Metallica: Garage, Inc. came out while I was hanging with the band. I love this song. I like the way it sounds and the story. And, it was good to listen to in the car that summer.

Freedom – Jimi Hendrix: How I felt after graduation.

Graduation (friends forever) – Vitamin C: Overplayed on the radio my senior year. The DJ played it at prom and they played it at graduation. I am (still) sick of it.

Underneath Your Clothes – Shakira: As far as I know, the significance of this song is still a secret between myself and someone else, so I’m going to keep it that way.

Anything But Mine – Kenny Chesney: Reminds me of when I met Kenny (not Chesney) and how I felt after.

Honky Tonk Badonkadonk – Trace Adkins: How my “nephew that was” will most likely remember me. My youngest (former) SIL used to tease me about my Badonkadonk. The funniest part was when my nephew (who was 4) would try to sing the song. He got caught up on the badonkadonks, so it always came out “Honky Tonk badonkadonkdonkdonk”. Bittersweetness.

Did I Shave My Legs for This? – Deana Carter: Marriage is like this, sometimes.

Fly – Dixie Chicks: He had already flown the coop; I just had to come to terms with it.

Good Enough – Evanescence: The reason for this one is complex.

Startin' With Me – Jake Owen: Who wouldn't change some things? Sometimes, the things we regret are our fault.

I’m Not Who I was – Brandon Heath: I’m not who I used to be, and there are so many people that I wish could see this change in me, and the reason why, but who may never will.